Ep. 95 - Choose Your Own Adventure S2E2: FOLLOP [Transcript]

Jan 29

Written By Alex Christian

Cody (00:03.901)

Everything loses. All hope is lost. Hahahaha.

William (00:08.818)

Wha- What? Why?

Alex (00:08.818)

Ha!

Alex (00:17.228)

That's so that we can actually then go into Return of the Jedi of Choose Your Own Adventures. And then we have space wizard ghosts guide us to victory. I think that's where he's going with that, right? No, no.

Cody (00:26.377)

No, I'm generally the, and they all lived happily ever after, but here I'm just like, and we all died, the end.

William (00:34.952)

I'm done.

Cody (00:39.042)

Everybody died. The end.

Alex (00:41.)

Embracing the stupid but to the nth degree got it got it

William (00:47.502)

I'm not gonna lie, we embraced the stupid so well that when dog meat to feral Teletubby died I was legitimately sad.

Cody (00:52.803)

Ha ha!

Dallas (00:58.215)

That was more sad than the rest of the world blew.

Alex (01:00.379)

That was a fictionalization, a figment of your own imagination, that you were like, Dogmeat the feral Teletubby that we fell in love with? It was like, no, it was just some rustling in the wind over there with eyes in the trees.

Cody (01:08.453)

Eh. Heh. Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh

William (01:14.351)

No, that was...

Cody (01:14.743)

Yeah

Dallas (01:15.275)

It also rustled my heart. It rustled my heart.

Alex (01:18.784)

No, no, no. It's a whole character now. That's how we do things around here.

Dallas (01:21.287)

Ha ha

William (01:25.406)

Listen, if Pixar can do it with the death of Bing Bong, then I'm allowed to be sad with the death of Dogmeat the Teletubby in my own head, okay?

Cody (01:27.652)

Cody (01:31.045)

I'm already ahead of you, buddy. Already ahead of you.

Alex (01:33.448)

I knew I should have taken a shot before we started recording. I knew it, I didn't, and I knew I should have. That's AL8, that doesn't count, unless there's some bourbon in there.

Cody (01:36.093)

It's Blackberry Alate, it's the only thing that counts. If there's a- if there's a hole of rabbits, I'm going down every time.

William (01:40.694)

Yeah. Heh. Alright.

Hehehehe. Hehehehehehe.

Alex (01:48.664)

We're not going down that rabbit hole. Okay.

Alex (01:58.388)

Well, after more time than we thought, we are back with Choose Your Own Adventure. And if you've just stumbled into this strange pub, you're listening to a doctor, a lawyer, a pilot and a professor walk into a bar. And tonight, we're gathered around our high top table. We are the weirdos in the corner who are rolling dice and reading off of cards as we embark

William (02:03.877)

Yes. Yay.

Alex (02:26.408)

on our second episode in our war against the evil power master. So.

Cody (02:26.561)

I know it's extra editing work, but they're I mean, I'm picturing this like previously on and you just do.

William (02:30.19)

Thanks for watching!

William (02:42.992)

No, they can go back and listen to the previous episode.

Alex (02:44.552)

Every time I try to do a previously on, I totally forget which episode it came from, and then it's just not worth the effort, and I'm like, ehh, close enough.

Cody (02:44.849)

Oh, oh, here we go. Previously on Come On Guys, it's an on demand medium. Just listen to the prior episode before you carry on here.

William (02:52.372)

I don't know.

Cody (02:58.488)

Okay, that joke didn't land.

Alex (03:05.032)

Okay!

Cody (03:08.129)

Well, I'm embracing your own philosophy, thank you.

Alex (03:09.981)

Uh, Hey, you were the guy who said you wanted reruns of an on-demand medium.

Cody (03:15.181)

Because you told me to embrace the stupid.

Alex (03:20.096)

Yes, beautiful. Okay. So where are we?

Alex (03:30.308)

I'm a bachelor tonight, so. So when we last were embarking on our voyage, we are the fast action response team of the Lacoonian government. We are an eclectic bunch. And we were fighting the evil power master. He has evil machinations, and that's really about all we know.

William (03:44.152)

Yes.

Cody (03:56.495)

Much like the villain in Recursion.

Alex (03:59.264)

He's just evil for the sake of evil, which is, you know, my ideal villain.

William (03:59.321)

Hehehehehe

Dallas (04:03.781)

Ha ha.

William (04:04.94)

Yes.

Cody (04:07.326)

We'll get there. We'll get there. We'll get there.

Alex (04:12.012)

He had reasons. What? I don't think you understood that book.

So when we last squared off with the evil power master, he actually blew up Haymog, an entire planet. So tonight we have three options on where we would like to go. We can travel to the void of Nero, Silica, or Fallop. So where would you find fast action response team members?

William (04:27.991)

Yeah.

Cody (04:43.713)

I say fall up because that sounds like a fun word to say.

Alex (04:48.785)

like to travel tonight.

William (04:55.506)

Are we so we I'm looking at the map here. We blew up. He blew up. Hey, Mark. Did we go back to the Coos?

Alex (05:02.056)

We never left Lekus. We were standing there in the halls of this high-rise, and then he just shoots a Death Star laser and blows up Haymog.

William (05:04.184)

Oh, gotcha, okay.

Dallas (05:05.467)

That's right, yeah.

William (05:08.248)

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Cody (05:13.729)

Although the void of Nero also sounds fun. I've.

William (05:17.61)

I'm fine with that, yeah we can go to follow up.

Cody (05:22.273)

I just thought it was Robert- I thought it was Robert De Niro's depression, I don't know.

Alex (05:25.28)

Is that a butthole? I'm just curious, is the void of Nero his butthole? Or is that a Star Trek thing?

William (05:28.398)

What? It's always... It's a-

Cody (05:28.901)

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

Dallas (05:29.467)

Ha ha ha.

William (05:35.059)

It's always butts with you Alex.

Cody (05:37.842)

But... But why?

Alex (05:39.63)

Not always, buts. Sometimes.

Dallas (05:41.681)

Sometimes. Sometimes butts.

Cody (05:44.119)

laughter

Dallas (05:45.791)

Is this a sometimes, but?

Alex (05:47.196)

I have people from my work that listen to this podcast, dammit. I'm gonna have to edit that now. Golly.

Dallas (05:51.175)

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Ha ha

William (05:56.95)

Uh, I'm, I'm fine with, yeah, we can go to follow up.

Cody (05:57.305)

or let's follow up on a follow up.

Dallas (06:02.105)

Let's do it. Follow up.

Alex (06:03.568)

To Follip we go.

Dallas (06:09.511)

Go down the fallopian tubes. No?

Alex (06:13.324)

Alright, now just like last time, I'm gonna have to send you all the cards as we read through for any of your scripts. Does everyone remember their character names?

Cody (06:23.738)

I do not recall.

William (06:26.663)

Yes, my name is Dante.

Cody (06:28.549)

Flipdoe! Thank you. Thank you. Oh, there he is. There he is.

Dallas (06:29.067)

I'm Commander Chin.

William (06:34.432)

What?

Alex (06:34.56)

You're flip-toe.

Cody (06:35.857)

I had the Benoit Blanc accent. It's like...

Alex (06:38.276)

Shame on you for not remembering your

William (06:42.174)

and you had this like southern drawl and... oh yeah

Cody (06:45.915)

The name's Flippdoe. James Flippdoe.

Alex (06:46.692)

Okay, I'm sending the cards to you guys, and I will still be the narrator. Okay.

Cody (06:52.173)

just hiberting his two characters.

Alex (06:59.62)

How? Did, okay.

Alex (07:08.42)

Alright, and we're off. After a harrowing trip through hyperlight, the ship enters normal space near Follip, a wild, woolly, and untamed world at the edge of the system. Follip is packed with dense forests, windy plains, and surly attitudes. It is home to oversized plants that know not how to stop growing, and oversized beasts that know not how to love.

William (07:11.022)

Yay.

Cody (07:31.037)

Aww.

Alex (07:39.172)

Follip orbits a large star and has a near constant growing season. Early attempts to colonize the planet failed when settlers were lost in the verdant wilds or were beset by terrible attacks from the loveless beasts. The most recent colony has fared better, allowing time for an agricultural research team to begin studying the planet's runaway growth.

William (08:04.954)

or binning follow-up.

Alex (08:06.56)

announces Dante, Chen nods.

Dallas (08:10.319)

What is the status of the colony?

Alex (08:12.696)

he asks.

William (08:13.27)

The intense solar flare activity has subsided.

Alex (08:19.452)

Oh yeah, we were gonna, I'm not gonna do the he asks, says Dante, yeah.

William (08:19.996)

So.

William (08:23.33)

says Dante. Okay, okay, but magnetic field disruptions intermittently prevent scans.

Alex (08:29.164)

The colony has been out of touch for days. Could be the Flares, could be the Evil Power Master.

Cody (08:30.181)

Communication with the colony should be possible, but I have not received, I have, I have received no response yet.

Dallas (08:48.815)

We'll have to land to get answers. Dante, take us down!

Alex (08:52.172)

The comms beep loudly, cutting Chen off mid-sentence. Dante's head pops open and extends an extra arm to punch a button and play the message. Fallop's Largest Moon, please send help. S.O.S. This is Research Group 32. We are stranded on Arbonne. Fallop's Largest Moon, please send help.

William (09:20.24)

a... a looping message originating from Arbonne.

Alex (09:24.216)

says Dante as he toggles off the com. Isn't your cousin in?

Dallas (09:32.591)

That's right. Colin was sent from L'Acus to follow up as part of research group 32. He gave me a gift before he left.

Cody (09:40.926)

favorite data.

Alex (09:42.916)

Free item, draw data 148. So here we go. Which it has this really cute picture of Dante on there. Kind of looks like an Android droid.

Cody (09:53.089)

He's like, ah, you're a cute little Dalek. What if you're the secret Dalek? What if you're a secret Dalek this whole time?

Alex (09:59.844)

See what I mean.

William (10:01.417)

I am adorable.

Dallas (10:03.655)

Hahaha

Alex (10:11.893)

It's not like One Night Werewolf, like...

William (10:12.306)

What if the Dalek was the friends we made along the way?

Alex (10:19.68)

All right, data card 148.

Alex (10:25.432)

So we also have two, oh sorry, I'll read this. So the free gift that was given to our fearless commander Chen was hyperthermal binoculars. This device can detect and display heat through dense material the human eye cannot see through, such as the dense verdant growth on follow-up. Keep this challenge booster. It is giving us an eye challenge booster plus one.

So we will be able to use that later on. Congratulations, Commander Chen. Now we have two options from here. We can either go help with that SOS on the moon, or we can go land on Fallop directly. What would the team like to do?

Cody (11:08.153)

I say help with the SOS, because that feels like more shenanigans will happen that way.

Cody (11:16.153)

I am effe- I live my life going, what is the most shenanigans can I get into in this situation?

Alex (11:21.172)

And you are a fan of shenanigans, so I feel like-

William (11:25.064)

Yes.

Dallas (11:25.479)

True.

Cody (11:28.661)

Ever.

Dallas (11:33.511)

That's why I drive with no pants on.

William (11:36.426)

Hehehehe

Cody (11:36.578)

But what if it's not a moon?

Dallas (11:38.595)

If we don't go to this moon, because that's where my cousin's at, right? Allegedly. Alleged cousin.

Alex (11:43.172)

Correct.

William (11:47.67)

Well, based on my cousin's interactions with the man they call the doctor, any time a distress signal is sent, he arrives.

Dallas (11:47.847)

through the-

Cody (11:48.194)

Hahahaha!

Alex (11:56.116)

All right, to the SOS. To the SOS we go.

Dallas (11:57.498)

Family reunions are going to be super weird if I don't do anything. I'm just saying.

Alex (12:10.968)

Check your phone Dallas.

Dallas (12:11.363)

Oh man, hold on, I... sorry.

There we go. The Lacoonian code requires us to respond to official distress signals.

Cody (12:15.873)

grades but this could be a trap to lure us away from fallop

Alex (12:29.096)

It won't hurt to take a closer look. Dante, put us in orbit.

William (12:34.511)

It's adding cores now.

Alex (12:37.164)

The ship arcs around Fallop towards its largest moon. A thick jungle covers most of Arbonne. A few large rivers and a huge lake are visible from orbit, but the rest is obscured by foliage.

Dallas (12:51.579)

Can we determine if that SOS is genuine?

Alex (12:54.656)

Required challenge. Analyze the distress signal. Win, raise signal tracker by one and continue. Lose, raise EPM meter by two and another active character must try. So this is an eyeball challenge. Let's see who among us is good at eyeball things.

Cody (13:07.321)

I mean, I'm, I think I'm the only, Alex, do you have 20-20 vision?

Cody (13:16.472)

haha

Cody (13:21.243)

Ohhhh. Oh.

Alex (13:21.376)

Well, Flipdote... I meant as our characters. Ironically, Cody, you and I... You and I actually are the two that have perception, and we have the little eyeball power booster from the binoculars that Commander Chen's cousin gave us. But you know, that too...

William (13:21.699)

You're the only one not wearing glasses.

Dallas (13:23.855)

Yeah.

Dallas (13:30.386)

Ha ha ha!

Cody (13:33.736)

I'm sorry.

Dallas (13:41.329)

Ha ha

Cody (13:42.497)

I will take the challenge.

Alex (13:47.66)

Would you like to take this?

Alex (13:52.556)

All right. And we have the challenge booster.

Cody (14:03.429)

Okay.

Alex (14:05.004)

we need a 4 or higher. But with the Challenge Booster, we only need a 3. And you have a plus 1, so we only need a 2 or higher.

Cody (14:15.621)

So let me find my 20-sided die to really stack the odds in our favor.

William (14:17.454)

because it's plus one.

Alex (14:27.148)

All right, here we go. On your mark, get set. We rolled a two. We win.

Cody (14:31.353)

Much?

William (14:34.554)

Oh, we barely skated by.

Cody (14:34.837)

Much like my relationship with the ACT.

Dallas (14:37.927)

Alex (14:37.984)

Hey, sometimes barely skating by, C's get degrees, you know?

William (14:42.678)

Yeah.

William (14:46.89)

Listen, toward the end of med school, I'm gonna be perfectly honest with you. I would open my grades and look for a seven. And if I saw a seven, I was like, oh, okay, okay.

Dallas (14:56.081)

Ha ha!

Alex (14:59.032)

Alright, so we get to raise our signal tracker by one and we are continuing.

William (15:08.286)

The S.O.S. is genuine.

Cody (15:09.417)

Interesting. There is a background echo consistent with the evil power master signal.

Alex (15:14.372)

Flipdo analyzes Dante's data.

Dallas (15:25.819)

So he may be here. We should land quickly and locate the research team. I really hope Colin is all right.

Alex (15:32.884)

I'm sure he's fine. I think it makes much more sense to conduct an aerial search first. If you land on Arbonne, go to follow up story card 6. If you search from orbit, go to story card 10.

Cody (15:40.965)

Do we have the capacity to nuke it from orbit, just to be sure?

Cody (15:48.809)

Nah, it's that... Drat.

Dallas (15:55.291)

I don't think we have that card yet.

Alex (15:56.668)

No, no, we definitely don't.

William (15:57.511)

No, no, we haven't got the nuclear warhead card yet.

Cody (15:58.143)

I'm sorry.

Alex (16:01.109)

Yeah, no.

Cody (16:01.902)

I'm sorry.

Dallas (16:02.855)

That was on NeuroZanus, I'm pretty sure. Is that what it was called? Nope, I was wrong. We made a butt joke and I just assumed that it was by then. I forgot because Alex always makes butt jokes, so.

William (16:09.358)

Hahaha!

Alex (16:12.948)

A butt joke that I'm editing out for my employment.

Cody (16:13.977)

All the time. It's kind of disturbing. All the time.

Cody (16:24.975)

Much like Uranus.

Dallas (16:25.963)

If I pamper it through there, it's... You can't catch them all.

Dallas (16:36.099)

Now you can catch all that business.

William (16:36.653)

Alex (16:39.34)

didn't even make sense. OK, so do we want to land on Arbonne and actually go see if Colin and the research team are all right? Or do we want to search from the sky first?

William (16:41.66)

It's the planet.

Cody (16:47.695)

Mmm.

Cody (16:56.537)

Yes, then do it. Let's do it.

Dallas (16:56.809)

Um...

William (16:59.338)

I vote land.

Dallas (17:02.119)

I feel like it's the most dangerous, so let's do it.

William (17:04.514)

That's why I voted.

Alex (17:07.86)

Okay, all right. If.

William (17:09.365)

The

Dallas (17:09.567)

I know there's probably creatures down here. There's a reason why this is like a recorded SOS and they're not doing it, but.

Cody (17:13.401)

But if you play the messages in reverse, does Pink Floyd start playing?

Alex (17:15.552)

Yeah, it's on a loop. It's not like they're still sending out new messages to us. But hey, you know what?

Cody (17:19.938)

Yeah.

William (17:25.89)

Yeah, the joke worked the first time. It worked the first time.

Cody (17:29.759)

Eh, Dark Side of the Moon.

Alex (17:32.561)

Did it work the first time? That's the real question.

William (17:35.79)

I think you even acknowledged it.

Dallas (17:37.947)

Ha ha

Alex (17:41.464)

Dante pilots the ship to the southern hemisphere of Arbonne and descends near a large bare patch of ground, a dry lake bed.

Dallas (17:56.263)

My bad. I didn't have it up. I was enthralled in.

Alex (17:58.996)

I'm still sending you cards in between when we have an action. It goes to you and then you read it when it's your turn.

Dallas (18:05.201)

You were really into it so I was like here it comes, here comes a thing. I didn't even look down. Okay, here we go. Here we go. This is the, no we're good. This is the obvious landing spot. It's wide, flat, and open.

Alex (18:09.312)

Yeah, yeah. Do you want me to start from scratch? Okay.

Cody (18:14.617)

They may have crashed in the surrounding jungle.

William (18:27.682)

There's a strange crack down there.

Alex (18:30.365)

Notes Dante preparing to land.

William (18:33.414)

It appears to be growing.

Alex (18:36.532)

Optional free action. If you have data number 5, you may draw data number 87. I am checking.

Cody (18:47.877)

carry on. Alright. The atmosphere is thick but breathable.

Alex (18:51.168)

We do not. I will edit this part out.

Alex (19:03.18)

Says Flipdoe, checking the gauges. Terra exits the ship. Why is the ground all squishy?

William (19:12.125)

Life sign detected.

Dallas (19:14.759)

Finally. Where?

Alex (19:19.264)

I didn't know if this was gonna get to this point or not, so I didn't send this part, I didn't want to spoil it, so, you know. Here you go.

Alex (19:31.416)

Dante emits a loud beep.

William (19:36.049)

all around us.

Alex (19:37.484)

The ground shakes violently.

Dallas (19:41.255)

Back to the fizzlet... NOW!

Alex (19:45.172)

Required challenge. Reach the ship in time. Win. Raise signal tracker by 1 and draw data 91. Lose. Draw data 133. This is a universe-shaped challenge.

Cody (20:00.289)

I thought you guys were my universe.

Alex (20:08.152)

Commander, Commander Chen, you're actually really good at this. You have a plus one there.

Dallas (20:14.311)

HELLRIN.

Due to my extensive history of line dancing, I'm real good at running. And tiptoeing through the goo.

Alex (20:25.252)

I also have a plus one here. Do we feel like... So now we have to think that each round we may need to have another challenge come up. My other strength is negotiation, the handshake one. Commander Chen, your other one is strength. You've got the dumbbell one.

William (20:39.613)

And flip toes out this round.

Alex (20:53.008)

And on a planet full of evil beasts, I feel like that may come in handy. And since I have a plus one for this swirly challenge, I think I'll take it. Because we need a four or higher to win this challenge. We are now in the five range to win. Everyone ready? Here we go.

William (20:59.503)

Mm. What were mine?

Dallas (21:10.47)

for it.

Dallas (21:20.976)

Ready.

Alex (21:24.824)

We rolled a three. Now, what we could do, again, we could use one of our other specialty cards.

William (21:27.406)

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Alex (21:38.98)

We have.

Alex (21:43.24)

a magic potion that would actually lower the challenge level by one, and that would actually make this a win. Do we want to use this?

William (21:52.306)

And... and we would win.

Alex (21:56.644)

Shall we use this? That gets us a win.

Dallas (21:57.863)

Hmm. Yeah.

William (22:00.208)

This feels like when Harry was saving the Felix Felicis. Like I was hoping to use this whenever I was fighting Dumbledore. Or Dumbledore, Voldemort. Took a turn, took a turn. Yeah. And it's even called a potion. I think it's meant to be, yes. Let's use.

Cody (22:01.836)

He should have been fighting Dumbledore. Rest in peace my demon. I'm going to go to sleep.

Dallas (22:06.599)

Thanks for watching!

Alex (22:08.136)

Oh, easy.

Alex (22:13.056)

Alright, so we'll use that potion, we won the challenge. Alright, so we actually, instead of, oh we rolled a three, we rolled a three! Alright, on to data card 91.

Cody (22:17.407)

Yay!

Dallas (22:18.299)

Let's do it.

William (22:20.662)

We won.

William (22:24.142)

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Dallas (22:24.483)

YAY!

Alex (22:32.072)

Oh, and we get to raise the signal tracker, which is so good.

Alex (22:38.976)

The jagged crack in the ground splits apart as the crew jumps inside the ship, before the airlock even closes the main thruster's fire. The ship rises into the air as an immense mouth opens beneath it. A WIMB SPACE WORM. The giant worm rises with the fizzlet and its mouth begins closing around the plucky little craft. Afterburners propel the ship through a gap in the worm's teeth. The fizzlet escapes and takes off.

into the distance. Go to Fall Up Story Card number 9.

William (23:13.857)

Oof.

Dallas (23:13.959)

Good thing that worm had bad oral hygiene, otherwise we would have been hosed.

William (23:16.863)

Ha ha

William (23:20.354)

could think that cavity was ship-shaped.

Dallas (23:23.612)

HAHAHAHAHAHA

William (23:24.502)

We were able to fit out.

Alex (23:28.484)

And this is why, like, you all knew it was going to be trouble. We went anyways, and we got nothing out of it. So with our lives, great.

Cody (23:31.438)

It did it.

William (23:34.806)

Yeah

Cody (23:38.04)

You've clearly never played Dungeons and Dragons. This is exactly how a campaign goes all the time.

William (23:39.266)

But we escaped. We're al- we're alive.

Dallas (23:39.535)

We know there's a worm down there.

We didn't know there was a worm before.

William (23:52.174)

Dallas (23:53.563)

There's a worm down there and there's one in my intestinal tract. So now we know where two worms are.

William (23:57.841)

Hahaha

Alex (23:58.1)

You've really gotta stop licking your shoes after you walk the dog. I'm just saying.

Dallas (24:04.039)

How else am I supposed to get in them crevasses?

The only way.

Alex (24:09.011)

Ew!

William (24:09.814)

I, I.

Alex (24:11.448)

Gotta visit the void of Nero somehow, if you know what I mean.

Dallas (24:13.607)

Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

Alex (24:19.588)

Alright, so we escape the Wim Worm, and we are now heading elsewhere. With a swirl of dust, the ship lands on a sandbar in a bend of a raging river. The crew steps onto dark brown sand, and the air is hot and steamy.

William (24:38.474)

The stress signal is this direction.

Alex (24:40.856)

says Dante extending an arm toward the looming jungle. The vegetation is gigantic and dense.

Dallas (24:49.307)

We'll need a machete.

Alex (24:51.096)

Free item, DrawData88.

Cody (24:53.833)

Nature what nature gives, nature can take away.

Alex (24:57.104)

It's so nice of the jungle to just provide free things. A vibro, a vibro machete. A weapons locker inside the airlock contains a machete which vibrates electronically. It's a vibro machete. Demand for these things runs high on Lacus. Keep this challenge booster. Finish Fall Up Storycard 9.

William (25:00.334)

Hehehehe

Dallas (25:00.411)

Ha ha ha.

Cody (25:00.777)

Spoilers!

William (25:06.446)

Life finds a way.

Cody (25:18.233)

Do we have?

Cody (25:21.913)

We have a Jedi machete.

Alex (25:26.048)

So this gives us a strength bonus here, which I think honestly I must have made a right call.

Cody (25:27.907)

Eh, there.

William (25:30.004)

Hmm.

Alex (25:37.784)

We may have some strength challenges coming. So. The machete makes quick work of the vegetation as Dante guides the crew toward the signal. Suddenly, predatory vines grab Flipptoe and Tara. What are the odds that there are vines again?

William (25:49.155)

Be boop.

Cody (25:51.46)

Yeah.

Riving... Are we?

William (25:57.638)

And this one too!

Alex (25:59.812)

Come on guys, we're better, we're smarter than this.

Alex (26:07.484)

Encircling Terra's arms and flip those legs and pulling them both off the ground.

Cody (26:09.933)

Help. I don't know how to say help in that accent. Hehehe.

William (26:13.77)

It's Devil's Snare!

Alex (26:15.629)

No.

Cody (26:16.639)

Help!

Alex (26:21.42)

Well give it some more gusto, Cody. You sound like you're like...

Dallas (26:21.575)

Ha ha

Cody (26:24.973)

Well, if not when I'm in writhing vines, o-help! Help! Heh. Help!

Dallas (26:25.791)

There we go!

William (26:27.694)

Hi-yop.

Alex (26:28.708)

Help. Is that really how you would shout help? Come on.

William (26:33.154)

if predatory vines.

Cody (26:37.497)

Ha ha!

William (26:38.422)

He's doubling down on it, okay.

Alex (26:41.336)

doubling down on the bored affectation.

William (26:45.541)

Wait, watch your mouth.

Cody (26:46.233)

Help! He-he-he-help!

Alex (26:46.968)

bored, affecta- I didn't say anything!

He sounded bored to be tied up in vines.

Alex (26:58.147)

Love it.

Cody (26:58.55)

It's like how I tell nevermind

William (27:00.45)

different. I'm not gonna say better. It was just it was different.

Cody (27:07.841)

gonna make a joke about my high school class. Probably shouldn't do that.

William (27:09.962)

Ugh!

Alex (27:11.628)

lay down. Lay down. Thank you.

Cody (27:14.773)

Acting! Help me! HELP! HELP ME! HELP!

Alex (27:16.64)

Wolf? No, no, no. Just act. Act, Cody.

Dallas (27:28.617)

There we-

Alex (27:31.332)

Beautiful. Chen leaps and slashes the vines around Flipdoe's legs. The Martian falls on his head. Tara lifts her vine-covered arms and bites through the vines to free herself. She drops to the ground. Dante beeps excitedly. Chen turns, expecting more sentient vines. Instead, a hairy beast that is part ape, part owl, crashes through the jungle. It opens its mouth and roars.

Cody (27:50.585)

Dallas, what are you doing here?

Alex (28:00.568)

then scratches the ground with massive claws. Required challenge. Defeat the owl ape. Win. Raise the signal tracker by one.

Cody (28:03.926)

Okay, it-

William (28:06.762)

What?

Dallas (28:09.607)

I've been waiting for this my whole life.

William (28:10.038)

What?

Cody (28:11.273)

In the kaleidoscope headcanon that is my brain, in my headcanon, Dante, not Dante, Dogmeattheferrelteletubby, since we never actually saw his face, was an owl ape. He just decided he was an owl ape. I can retcon whatever I want.

William (28:13.947)

Dallas's shirt's already off.

Dallas (28:15.659)

Yep, Chin takes his shirt off, he's ready to go.

William (28:38.004)

I just...

Alex (28:38.429)

You can't retcon dog meat.

Cody (28:41.993)

Wasn't there a community episode about that?

Dallas (28:44.999)

Can we use the all wheeled up card? Can we go ahead and use that one now?

Alex (28:50.528)

The what card?

Dallas (28:52.775)

They're all oiled up.

William (28:53.047)

All oil.

Alex (28:55.34)

All old up. All right, so here's what's really exciting about the machete. It has the challenge booster, and it says plus with a question mark and plus with a question mark. And what this means is that we get to roll the dice twice and add those numbers together. Yes. And...

Dallas (28:57.579)

I'll hold up.

William (29:18.679)

What?

Dallas (29:18.791)

What?

Alex (29:21.452)

We get to keep this card. We don't discard it when we use it. We get to keep it. And, uh, and Commander Chen, you already have a plus one. So not only are you a strong man who is leading our fearless party through the jungle, but now you get to use this machete and roll twice. Pretty great, huh?

Cody (29:38.101)

I wish we could do images in the show notes, because I would love to show off a picture of an owl ape.

William (29:43.022)

Wow.

Dallas (29:44.083)

Let's do this thing.

William (29:51.23)

It's, uh... It's... It's something.

Alex (29:54.26)

Alright, so we need five points here. We already have one through Commander Chen's natural strength and we have our vibro machete to take on. Everyone ready, here's our first roll. It is a three plus, oh please, yeah, but we got, don't spoil the tension, William. That's four right there and now we get to roll again.

William (30:09.038)

I already have two.

Dallas (30:10.311)

already.

William (30:13.526)

We've already got it.

William (30:20.382)

I mean, what's gonna happen when it's going to happen?

Alex (30:23.416)

Here we go. We rolled a five.

William (30:28.258)

Commander Chen, I doubted you for a moment. Now I am confident in your physical prowess. Thank you, sir. Thank you for your leadership.

Dallas (30:36.475)

I am good at strength things, bad at reading, bad at ballet.

William (30:39.694)

Ha ha

William (30:46.254)

And ballet is more of grace than brawn. It is okay, commander.

Alex (30:51.796)

Alright, so we get to raise the signal tracker by one, and we get...

Cody (30:52.024)

The level of exasperation on Alex's face at times doing this is just lovely. It's just lovely.

Dallas (30:53.351)

Mad at WIPing good, good at strength.

William (30:55.476)

Oh believe me commander we are aware

William (31:06.212)

We won!

Alex (31:07.)

I was always told when I was growing up that I would take a joke and run with it and beat it until it was dead. Just drive it into the ground, keep beating that dead horse, and then I met you all and I felt normal for just a split second.

William (31:15.282)

And then you met us.

Dallas (31:21.287)

How do you know where the line is if you don't go on the other side of it though? You don't know.

Cody (31:25.304)

I take my flamethrower and I see the line and I incinerate it and watch it.

Alex (31:25.528)

How do you still know if you're on the other side of the line? You just, we just keep going. We just keep, keep trucking.

William (31:25.967)

True words have never been spoken Dallas McKinney.

Dallas (31:30.883)

Right? Maybe there's two lines, we don't know.

Alex (31:37.344)

It's amazing that you brought up a flamethrower, because what we just won in that challenge is a Trank Gun. Chen's cousin Colin steps out of the jungle and fires a tranquilizer dart into the owl ape's neck. It falls and passes out. Colin tosses the gun to the crew and says, follow me if you want to live. A logo on the gun reads, Earth's number one Trank.

William (31:40.337)

Ugh.

William (31:45.742)

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Cody (32:03.211)

Come with me if you want to live.

Alex (32:05.66)

I'm gonna have to find the copy of like the bit of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Come with me if you-

Cody (32:08.761)

Come... Come with me if you want to live!

Dallas (32:10.314)

Yeah.

Alex (32:13.58)

That was good! Do it again. Who's got a better, who's got the best? Beautiful. Who's got the best Schwarzenegger? Dallas? Actually it would make perfect sense that Dallas is his own cousin. Dallas, hold on. Follow me if you want to live.

Cody (32:15.429)

Come with me. Muscles too huge.

William (32:16.046)

Come with me if you want to live.

Dallas (32:18.723)

with me if you want to leave.

Dallas (32:23.163)

Get to the chopper!

William (32:24.792)

BAH!

Dallas (32:30.064)

Hahaha

William (32:30.978)

Ha ha ha!

Dallas (32:32.667)

Ha ha!

Cody (32:33.349)

Follow me if you want to live!

William (32:36.174)

Follow me if you want to live.

Dallas (32:38.139)

Follow me if you want to live!

Cody (32:38.69)

Eh, you know. My Gollum voice is-

William (32:40.13)

Dallas wins. Always.

Alex (32:40.876)

That was amazing. Perfect, we're keeping it. We're keeping it, okay.

William (32:44.526)

You had a little bit of golem there, Cody. I'm... Hmm.

Dallas (32:47.067)

Heh.

Alex (32:48.066)

Yeah, no. I know my limitations. All right, so we get to keep this challenge booster, which is strength plus one, and we are going to story card eight.

Cody (32:53.349)

Because the 8-

Cody (32:58.081)

My brain went somewhere and I was just like, hard stop, hard stop. Hahahaha And when the filter actually works, you know it's bad.

Alex (33:06.092)

What kind of joke?

Dallas (33:09.588)

Heh heh.

Dallas (33:12.823)

Rain, come back!

William (33:14.134)

Yeah

Alex (33:19.066)

Alright, Dallas, you're gonna have to keep the Schwarzenegger going, okay? Keep Arnie alive. Yeah, Colin's here. The crew enters a small clearing in the jungle where the injured research crew has made a camp.

Dallas (33:23.828)

Oh, he's here now.

William (33:26.009)

Hahaha

Dallas (33:35.663)

We saw you land, cousin! It's good to see you! What happened? Wait, is this... this is gonna be hard to go back and forth.

We were in the pod performing a biological survey of Arbonne when the attack started!

Alex (33:52.204)

he says as he turns back to the wounded.

Dallas (33:57.719)

It was horrible! Hundreds of missiles rose from the moon and raced towards Fallop! There was nothing we could do but try to escape!

Cody (33:57.921)

I take it you failed.

Alex (34:07.704)

says Flipdoe. Commander Chen shoots the marsh in a stern look. Colin laughs.

Dallas (34:13.955)

We're researchers not crack pilots! Several missiles locked onto us and here we are! That was terrible at the end. But...

Alex (34:19.328)

You're lucky to be alive. Her smile fades as a horde of creatures crash into the clearing, led by a giant owl ape. Require challenge. Defeat the horde. Now thankfully, we picked up the tranquilizer, which is a plus one, and we have the vibro machete, which is the roll twice. Now Dante.

Fearless Dante, you are the only one who is still active. You have a minus one for strength. So I think the roll twice is our best bet.

William (35:03.108)

I agree.

Alex (35:04.82)

Okay, that was such a long pause to just say yes.

William (35:08.362)

Well, I was analyzing my databanks to see when my pneumatic pistons were last replaced. I am too sad to say.

They are factory issued.

Alex (35:21.028)

Oh, buddy, we gotta take care of that for ya. I'm sure we can get an upgrade.

William (35:25.558)

Well, I'm sorry. I am usually good for navigation and quick quips.

Alex (35:32.289)

You are, you are indeed. All right, here we go, required challenge. We get two rolls here, and they need to add up to five.

William (35:40.43)

I have tiny arms.

Alex (35:42.6)

Our first roll is a 6 minus 1 for your strength that makes a 5. We win the challenge on the first roll!

Cody (35:43.886)

Weeeeee

Dallas (35:50.363)

Whaaat? Nice!

Cody (35:53.221)

That's... He... He is a Dalek.

William (35:53.635)

Yeah

Alex (35:55.456)

That means that we get to pick up, we get to pick up data card 94.

Dallas (35:56.071)

Who knew that the robot was a murderous robot?

Cody (36:03.437)

He is in my heart.

Alex (36:08.452)

but he's not.

Alex (36:14.76)

Alright. The owl ate points at Colin and roars. In seconds, the crew and the wounded are surrounded by rooster constrictors, rhino hawks, and piranha parrots. Colin grabs a machete and protects the wounded, while the crew begins firing blasters. Kill that- Uh, uh, say, kill that thing as loud as you can, Colin. It's- And then say, it's the leader. Kill that thing, it's the leader in Schwarzenegger.

Dallas (36:44.967)

Kill that thing! It's the leader!

Alex (36:48.32)

Required challenge, kill the owl ape. Draw data 96, sorry, win, draw data 96, lose, draw data 105. All right, all four of us have done a challenge this round, which means everyone is live again, and we still have our challenge booster to roll twice and plus one. So Chen, you are the strongest. This is another strength challenge, and you are active again.

Dallas (37:05.197)

reset.

Dallas (37:18.855)

Let's do this thing.

Alex (37:27.254)

I was doing card maintenance over here. Sorry, pardon me.

Alright, your first roll, Commander Chen. We need five or higher. You already have a plus one and you get two rolls here. You rolled a six that gives us seven. We beat it in the first go. Draw data 96.

Dallas (37:42.863)

Yeah!

William (37:43.022)

Whaaaaa

Cody (37:50.177)

I'm sorry.

Alex (37:51.716)

You're making good work this round, I will say.

William (37:54.603)

Yeah, we are.

Dallas (37:55.751)

Keep them way to dice out.

William (37:57.358)

Alex (37:57.964)

With straw, uh, with sharp beaks, teeth and horns, and talons tearing at them, the crew concentrates fire on the Owl Ape. The enormous beast requires a half dozen hits to its midsection before finally succumbing. It falls with a thundering boom. After a few more hybrid beasts fall, the rest flee the clearing. You notice something on the Owl Ape's body that looks...mechanical?

You move in closer to inspect the carcass. Draw, data 97. That would have been nice to know before I put all the cards back. It was just gonna take me one card further.

Dallas (38:35.664)

Ha ha ha.

Cody (38:36.033)

Nice.

Alex (38:40.592)

A universal translator. Along with lumpy bits of fruit and nuts, a partially digested lizard hand clutching a piece of tech spills from the owl ape's stomach. Keep this challenge booster and finish story card 8. This is a diplomacy booster plus one.

William (38:53.471)

Oh my.

William (39:02.055)

It's fall up cold. Did we like cut its stomach open to get warm on the...

Cody (39:02.29)

as the internal temperature of a tauntaun.

Alex (39:07.112)

No, I don't think we need to, actually, you know?

Alex (39:13.32)

Everyone still has the backside of eight, correct? Okay. Jen?

William (39:17.291)

Yes.

Dallas (39:22.607)

We need to get you off this rock.

Alex (39:25.057)

says Chen after the battle.

Cody (39:26.981)

There's also the matter, the small matter of the evil power master.

William (39:27.582)

Everyone in the fizzlet? But the capacity is insufficient.

Dallas (39:43.035)

It's me again, here we go. That I can help you with. We located his base.

Alex (39:48.228)

Colin gives the information to the crew and bids farewell. He gives Chen a hug and says,

Cody (39:53.957)

I'm so glad he's not a full-time character. For Dallas' sake.

Dallas (39:54.779)

Hope to see you soon, dear cousin!

Alex (39:57.216)

With a wave to the crew, he disappears into the jungle.

William (40:01.934)

Bye, Colin.

Cody (40:03.984)

For Dallas is vocal chords. I'm just happy for Dallas.

Dallas (40:05.112)

hahahaha

William (40:06.658)

Wait, you're glad? I loved it!

Alex (40:06.808)

I'm not I would love to have Colin on full-time. He's good

Alex (40:14.633)

Screw Dallas' vocal cords.

Cody (40:16.389)

Dallas (40:17.015)

Ha ha ha!

William (40:17.558)

Maybe this is one of those instances where he goes home and he's around family and his native accent and it just kind of like rears up in him and Commander Chen slowly starts to get his Austrian accent back.

Alex (40:23.556)

I'm gonna go to bed.

Dallas (40:27.719)

Ha ha

Dallas (40:31.236)

Ha ha

Alex (40:32.108)

I mean, once you go to Lekous, you're surrounded by many, many cultures. And, you know, Earth's Austria is just one of thousands of accents even on Earth, you know? So, I mean, hundreds of thousands of accents. Now you're surrounded by intergalactic travelers, you know?

William (40:38.286)

Hehehehe

William (40:48.815)

at this point in Earth's history.

At this point in Earth's history, we realized that Austria was actually seeded by an alien race. And so their accent, yeah. We don't know that for centuries until we get to this current timeline.

Alex (40:58.625)

Was it really?

Was it the?

Alex (41:05.756)

I thought you were going to tell me that we've actually been misnaming Austria and Australia, and we actually had it right the first time.

Dallas (41:13.604)

Let's put another shrimp on the barbie!

Alex (41:14.628)

Good!

William (41:16.441)

Hahaha!

Alex (41:22.456)

Good day, mate. No, I can't do it, I can't do it. It was perfect the way it was. I beat the horse, it's dead.

Dallas (41:25.607)

William (41:28.51)

I was, no you can't, no. That's, uh, that's my ringtone for you now Dallas, forever. But another syrup on the barbie. I just, uh.

Dallas (41:31.7)

on the line and just keep going.

hahahaha

Alex (41:40.684)

That was really good too.

Dallas (41:42.539)

It was. It's in all of us.

Alex (41:46.808)

Dante pilots the ship toward the location on Fallop's Jungle Moon where they believe the evil power master built his base. As the ship approaches the location, they see no break in the thick jungle below.

Cody (41:55.877)

Go ahead, then.

Dallas (42:00.879)

Where is this base?

Alex (42:05.204)

Suddenly an alarm clacks and blares.

William (42:09.738)

Multiple missiles launches detected.

Alex (42:12.352)

Below the ship, four missiles rise into the air on thick columns of smoke.

Cody (42:17.191)

There's a structure. It is hidden beneath very sophisticated holographic camouflage.

Dallas (42:18.107)

Where did they come from?

Alex (42:19.704)

The missile contrails seem to end at the tops of the trees.

Alex (42:32.34)

Worry about that later! Evasive action! Dante and Flipptoe push buttons, flip switches and toggle levers, and a frantic ballet as the ship twists and weaves around the missiles. Terra and Chen struggle to stay in their chairs and keep their lunches down. After the missiles pass them by, more alarms start beeping.

Cody (42:50.961)

Missiles have locked on and are coming around!

Alex (43:02.28)

If any active or inactive character has data card 42, the team may discard it automatically and win the challenge. Let me check.

Cody (43:03.425)

Wait, isn't that the meaning of life 42?

William (43:17.186)

That is why it is the answer. Nah.

Alex (43:17.324)

We do not. I will edit it out. Required challenge, destroy the missiles. All right, this is a piloting navigation challenge. Let's see who's the best at that.

William (43:31.315)

It is me. It is me.

Alex (43:34.903)

Yes it is buddy. You ready?

William (43:38.798)

I was made for this.

Alex (43:41.428)

Okay, we need a four or higher, because you have a plus one here, and this we need a five. Are you ready?

William (43:53.276)

I am ready.

Alex (43:53.976)

Dante, do your worst, best, worst. We rolled. All four, we succeeded.

Cody (43:57.223)

Alright!

William (43:59.574)

Hold on to your butts.

Dallas (44:03.96)

YEAH!

William (44:03.962)

Hooray! We succeeded in evading missiles, and we succeeded in another butt joke. Hooray!

Alex (44:18.132)

I want to remind the audience here that we have a doctor, two teachers at this point who are training the youth of the future, and a salesperson who works with Fortune 100 companies here. And we are bragging about a butt joke. And recording it for posterity.

Dallas (44:24.443)

Yeah

William (44:30.791)

Ha ha

William (44:44.414)

Well, Alex, honestly, the moment that you said, the moment that you said, I'm going to go back and edit that butt joke out, I don't think you realize what clicked in the rest of us. We keep referencing it so that it's harder and harder and harder to edit it out.

Cody (44:44.643)

I'm out.

Alex (44:47.189)

And honestly, I love every second of it.

Dallas (44:49.991)

Listeriority.

Cody (45:03.309)

Why are you being so anal about this, Alex?

Alex (45:04.216)

so that it has to stay.

Dallas (45:04.291)

Yeah, what I heard was, yes.

Alex (45:11.585)

And you won.

William (45:14.192)

HA!

Dallas (45:19.267)

Ha ha!

Alex (45:19.78)

I can't even be mad at that.

William (45:21.727)

Bye!

William (45:29.219)

Hehehe

William (45:33.71)

That was good.

Cody (45:34.49)

Eh, give that a seven.

Alex (45:35.524)

I hope no one has celiac disease because there was a lot of gluteus in this episode.

William (45:36.753)

Ah.

Cody (45:37.98)

Eh, 6.5.

William (45:43.299)

So close, so close.

Alex (45:44.396)

No, no.

Cody (45:44.774)

It was the tenet of butt jokes.

Okay, now I lost the plot. Anyways.

William (45:52.034)

Oh.

Alex (45:52.696)

Alright.

Alex (45:58.82)

2 out of 10.

Alex (46:02.664)

Alright, so we evaded the missiles, we get data card number 104, and it says, Data Find. The crew destroys the missiles, but an explosion forces them to land. Upon their descent, a delta wing launches from the base. The base is empty, but the servers contain valuable data. Turn over the disk and raise the signal tracker the amount shown. If any character has one or more of the following data,

Raise tracker the additional amount shown. So we have won the planet.

Dallas (46:40.215)

Yes.

Alex (46:42.193)

Someone has escaped the base in our evasive maneuvers, but we have won.

So the disc for... Oh my gosh! The disc for Fall Up is 8. We just got an extra 8 points on the signal tracker. Now we need to see if anyone has 97, S Starter Card 7, or 54. Let me look.

Cody (46:53.657)

Woo!

Dallas (46:58.415)

Woo!

William (47:03.339)

WHAA-

Dallas (47:12.935)

I bet eight is good. I bet that's a good number. Probably.

William (47:18.421)

Feels good.

I've said for years that I feel like 38 is going to be a really good year.

Alex (47:26.272)

We did find the universal translator, which is data card 97. That gives us an additional two points.

William (47:26.546)

and I found out.

William (47:32.022)

Huh? HUH?

Dallas (47:35.491)

Whoa!

William (47:36.499)

Yay!

Alex (47:38.484)

So I thought this was probably going to be one of our longest series. But gentlemen, what we've done tonight is we have gone... No, no, no

Cody (47:46.009)

Oh!

Ha!

Dallas (47:50.775)

We just win? Okay.

William (47:53.454)

Alex (48:10.186)

We started tonight at level 6, and we are at level 19 right now.

William (48:16.994)

What?

Dallas (48:18.558)

What? Daggone.

Alex (48:20.832)

And sometimes, I've talked about this in the Patreon cuts before, but sometimes we like to fudge the rules a little bit because they're boring where it's like

Alex (48:35.232)

You know, that's kind of lame. That's a lame way to lose it. But no, we didn't even cheat a little bit tonight, which is kind of like.

Dallas (48:43.591)

So, we go more paladar waves straight to the top of this.

Alex (48:50.648)

So I'm gonna edit that part, but you know, that was more for our sake. Guys, I can't believe it. We have, we've moved up 13 levels on the signal tracker.

William (49:03.202)

Wow.

Alex (49:04.808)

Now, the evil power master meter is at 8 currently. It's at 8. And what this means is by being at such a high signal tracker level, we now need 6 every time to win our challenges. So by hook or by crook, we need to win. We're starting very early, very strong. But that does mean.

Dallas (49:26.143)

William (49:29.87)

Okay.

Alex (49:34.816)

that our work is going to be cut out for us going forward, but we have a lot of head start on the evil power master currently. How's everyone feeling?

William (49:46.926)

Feeling great.

Dallas (49:48.056)

Yeah, like a champ.

Dallas (49:53.763)

Meet and callin' really gave me a morale boost.

William (49:58.066)

It was so nice to meet your family, Commander Jin.

Cody (49:59.629)

I'm sorry we had to terminate the relationship so early.

Dallas (50:02.747)

Worried about which cousin it was gonna be.

Alex (50:02.909)

He did, he seemed like a real gem. You know, I liked it.

Alex (50:11.212)

No, but he's alive, he's well, and the evil power master is no longer on follow-up. He has escaped into the, he,

Cody (50:16.195)

So what you're saying is he'll be back.

Alex (50:26.712)

he will be back and it's our job to find him. And so the next time we play, we have quite a few really fun options in front of us, but with that, I think it's time for us to settle up at the bar. So I'll take care of tonight's check. If it is your first time stumbling in, we hope you like what you heard and we really love if you followed us and got caught up on

William (50:43.716)

I'm so excited.

Thank you.

Alex (50:55.408)

last season's Choose Your Own Adventure and the last episode of Choose Your Own Adventure. You can follow us on Twitter. We're still not calling it X because we're not weirdos. You can follow us on our Facebook group. Come join our Facebook group called The Pub. We have lots of fun conversation over there. We have an Instagram. One other thing that we love to ask is that if you want to help us produce the show, consider becoming a patron.

William (51:05.32)

Refuse.

William (51:10.018)

the pub.

Alex (51:22.14)

on patreon.com slash doctor and lawyer. Words are very hard. Patreon.com slash doctor and lawyer. It's in the show notes. But with that, I am Tara.

William (51:28.782)

Hehehehe.

Cody (51:32.901)

And I'm the Bud of many jokes.

William (51:37.141)

I am Dante.

Cody (51:38.117)

I'm sorry.

Dallas (51:39.609)

chin.

Alex (51:43.508)

And we...

Dallas (51:43.687)

And I'm Colin!

Cody (51:46.36)

I had to slide one last butt choke in there.

Alex (51:46.728)

And we will see you all next time when we face off with the evil power master.

William (51:47.487)

I will see you.

Alex (51:54.912)

Bye bye! Get to the chopper! Wait, Dalcyel, get to the fleaslet!

Dallas (52:02.127)

Get to the Fleece Lit!

Alex (52:04.728)

Beautiful, beautiful.

William (52:05.984)

Yes.

Alex Christian

Ep. 95 - Choose Your Own Adventure S2E2: FOLLOP [Transcript]

Ep. 94 - Spooky Table Topics! [Transcript]

Ep. 96 - Wizardfest Preview - OUR FIRST LIVE SHOW! [Transcript]