Ep. 103 - Chico Caca [Transcript]

Alex (00:02.038)

Well, hey everybody.

William (00:04.26)

I wonder who's gonna take the bait and fight first on that one.

Dallas (00:05.555)

Ha ha

Alex (00:05.578)

Welcome back! If you have just stumbled in, welcome. You're listening to a doctor, a lawyer, a pilot, and a professor walk into a bar. And tonight we've got some good stuff cooking for you. But I think it is time for us to get into the dailies.

William (00:25.539)

Just write a no hi how are you? How's your mother doing? Now? How the kids doing? How's work doing? It's just for going

Cody (00:26.16)

Pew pew, pew pew.

Alex (00:28.078)

No, no, please. Small, no small talk. I take my cues from Britta and Jeff in community. Like there's no small talk. Like how are you and is God dead? You know, like that just straight to the point.

Cody (00:29.809)

Pew!

Dallas (00:30.188)

Ha ha ha!

Cody (00:33.264)

Hahaha!

William (00:37.418)

Oh, that explains so much.

William (00:47.23)

Uh, great, and no, they proved that in like three movies now. Right? God's not dead, God's not dead too.

Alex (00:53.691)

Uh, oh god, ha ha. God's not dead, too fast, too furious. God's not dead, Tokyo Drift. Ha ha, yes!

Dallas (01:00.15)

Tokyo Drift.

William (01:00.181)

Oh, I wish. All right, well if you want to, we can jump straight into the dailies.

Alex (01:07.434)

So, I don't, I mean I have some fun things. Who's most excited to talk about their respective fandom? I can just see all of us buzzing right now with excitement. William, you look like a seven year old who's ready to do show and tell, so please. Well, tell and tell, because we're an audio medium.

William (01:18.574)

Hehehehe

William (01:26.138)

Sure, yeah. I will, let me see, let me see if I can find, let me see if I can find the picture and I will very appropriately describe it to everyone who might be listening. But Universal's Epic Universe, which is their third signature theme park, is under heavy construction as we speak right now and many of the different lands inside of Epic Universe are starting to take place.

including the third Wizarding World full theme park attraction that Universal is going to have.

Alex (02:03.062)

Alright, so we could solve world hunger, world peace, oh another Harry Potter theme park! We didn't have enough of those, that's what I needed.

William (02:06.677)

Heheheheheheh

William (02:10.193)

Oh

Cody (02:10.672)

Well, I mean, you gotta blame Comcast for this one. They're the one who owns the park. Much like AT&T is the cause of our world suffering, Comcast is a strong number two for that.

William (02:22.39)

Oh gee whiz, I listened to so much Vergecast that I almost went into the disclaimers that they make. Comcast is a minority investor and Vox Media, which is the parent company of Vergecast. Well in addition, yes they're having a Wizarding World attraction, but they are also Super Mario World. There is going to be a full Mario theme park inside of Epic Universe. A theme park based off of How to Train Your Dragon.

Cody (02:23.612)

Ha ha

Cody (02:32.968)

I'm like...

Alex (02:46.038)

That's right, I forgot.

William (02:52.742)

which has been a movie, yes, a movie and topic of conversation inside of our own little personal chat. There's a class, I think that they're calling it just a classic monsters universe that's going to be all like black and white and grayscale with Dracula and Frankenstein, but

Cody (02:53.272)

Oooo

Dallas (02:54.587)

I am.

Dallas (03:08.985)

Oh cool.

Alex (03:11.566)

all of the actors in that part of the park have to only wear black and white makeup like mimes. It's very, it's kind of like when you go to historic Jamestown and everyone's like, and this is how we used to churn butter. And it's like, yeah, but what did you do for work outside of this? And they're like, oh, I go home and I cobble shoes. And you're like, no, but what do you do for real? Like they're all in black and white. And they're like, have you seen Frankenstein? I'm like, yeah, but what do you do outside of work? Oh, I run from Frankenstein's and his monsters. Yeah.

William (03:17.374)

I

Dallas (03:19.168)

Ha ha ha!

Dallas (03:30.63)

Yeah

William (03:31.023)

Ha ha

Dallas (03:39.299)

hahahaha

Cody (03:41.096)

I'm out.

Alex (03:42.178)

It's very, they're trying to tackle Disney's immersion levels. It's impressive, honestly.

William (03:42.422)

Well, the-

Cody (03:48.36)

Honestly, Wizarding World is better than Disney at immersion. It is.

William (03:54.202)

We have to agree there. I know several executives said that Galaxy's Edge was going to be their answer to the Wizarding World attraction.

Cody (04:00.985)

It wasn't.

Alex (04:01.354)

Ha! Spoiler!

Dallas (04:03.852)

Ha ha!

William (04:04.25)

I don't know. But the kind of marquee attraction inside the Wizarding World, based off of rumors and patent filings and things like that, is going to be a Ministry of Magic kind of wonk-ovator ride. So like you get on the elevator and it can-

Cody (04:04.512)

It... It wasn't.

Alex (04:19.09)

Interesting. That's their Marky attraction, but their Marky restaurant is gonna be a Wahl Burger's where Marky Mark will show up. No? Too soon? Not funny? Okay.

Cody (04:20.384)

Interesting.

Dallas (04:21.264)

Hmm

Cody (04:28.42)

Well, so in this ministry ride, does it start in the bathroom and you have to stand in a toilet to go down? Like, is this how this goes? Ha ha ha.

Dallas (04:33.236)

Ha ha!

William (04:37.666)

I hope so. I sure hope so. But no, like they are going to recreate the atrium. You exit through the fireplace into the atrium of the Ministry of Magic, like one to one scale from the movie. But the actual like-

Alex (04:50.782)

and standing there on the ground is Dumbledore and Harry and then you go, he's back, and that's how every, you are Voldemort coming in.

William (05:03.602)

Ooh, that would be a twist. Some people complained that Hogwarts Legacy didn't have enough of a morality system to go full Dark Lord, but that would be a twist. But no, the storyline through this.

Cody (05:03.745)

Ooh.

Alex (05:05.278)

He's back.

Cody (05:06.831)

Oh.

Alex (05:14.102)

They had to bring their own morality system to it and then they got all up in arms and I remember that, it was a big thing.

Cody (05:19.432)

M-Michelle?

Dallas (05:19.561)

Uh, uh, uh.

William (05:21.238)

So they say that it's going to be the trial of Dolores Umbridge with Imelda Stanton reprising her role as Dolores Umbridge for the ride. So they're even talking about how you will follow her to her trial and then there's like a band of remnant Death Eaters that tried to break her out because of everything that she did and that's how it gets exciting.

Cody (05:27.516)

Oooo

Cody (05:31.272)

oooo

Alex (05:34.654)

Is there a firing squad involved? Because I'm in.

Cody (05:38.248)

Ha ha ha!

Alex (05:51.47)

There were good people on both sides of the Wizarding War. You know, just...

William (05:51.567)

I'm just, I'm really.

Cody (05:54.888)

Clearly.

Dallas (05:56.153)

hahahaha

William (05:56.334)

Yeah. So, yeah, it wouldn't be a daily segment with me if it didn't go Harry Potter. So, there you go. You're welcome.

Dallas (06:03.084)

There you go.

Alex (06:04.534)

That was kind of impressive, actually, that you were able to tie it together. I love it. Cody, what about you? What's going on in your neck of the woods? What is your daily news?

Dallas (06:08.012)

I don't know.

Cody (06:13.052)

Well...

Cody (06:17.056)

So lately my fandom-y thing has been less news related and more of just like diving into older things That I enjoy

William (06:26.766)

You? Nostalgia? Older things? No.

Alex (06:29.15)

Wait, no, this is the dailies, not the yesterdailies.

William (06:32.258)

Hahaha!

Dallas (06:32.956)

hahahaha

Cody (06:33.292)

Well, this is the grand premiere of the yesterdailies. Um, new segment.

Alex (06:39.166)

And now we cut to, please William, in the edit, let's have him be all like old radio announcer, like, krrrrr, boop, boop. You know.

William (06:48.362)

If you don't have a slide whistle, I don't want any of it. No part of it.

Alex (06:53.902)

It's not a slide whistle, but it is a recorder.

Cody (06:54.064)

William kind of went just about 30% Craig there for a second when he said no part of it.

William (06:59.17)

If you don't have a slide whistle, I don't want any part of it.

Sorry. Billy Eichner's a gem. Anyway.

Cody (07:05.333)

So, two things, two things in my world. Last week, at the time of our last recording, I talked about how I was joining a Lord of the Rings book club. We had our first meeting last Sunday, and it was super fun. It was super fun. It was very good fellowship. Shout out to...

William (07:16.802)

Oh yeah!

Alex (07:24.118)

Was it a good fellowship?

William (07:27.77)

Yeah

Alex (07:28.916)

Yes!

Cody (07:30.264)

Riley Blanton and Stephen Kent of both geeky stoics. The podcast about finding the wisdom of pop culture and the philosophy behind the stories of pop culture. We had a really great time. It was a good conversation. As so far in my read through Fellowship of the Rings, I am on the Council of Elrond. The Fellowship has now assembled.

William (07:30.614)

No, no, no.

William (07:44.64)

Okay.

Cody (07:57.468)

and they are now beginning their journey to Mordor. They've made their decision. And I will just say this. I'm glad in the movie that Peter Jackson made the blessed decision to dramatize many of the stories that were told in the book. Like how Gandalf told about his encounter with Saruman. And if that was a story told to Frodo, I am very glad.

that he actually dramatized that scene. Because if it was just sitting around telling stories all day, I would have been like, uh, I'm bored. I'm bored. So it was, so far, I'm enjoying the book. And I can already say now.

William (08:27.315)

Yeah, that wizard fight

Cody (08:42.496)

It is a series that once I'm done I will be as glad I have read, but I'll probably never read it again, but I will occasionally revisit the movies. Like, I wanna say that... Yes.

William (08:53.082)

Okay, I consider that progress. You swore the movies off for eternity after I made you watch them. So we're making progress.

Cody (09:01.049)

Hahaha!

Alex (09:01.61)

And I don't blame him for that. This is one of those rare moments where Cody's interests and my interests are just in like 100% agreement. Those movies are just boring. I'm gonna lose so many. We're either gonna get a ton of hate mail now or gain a whole new respect from our audience. Ha ha ha. No such thing as bad news.

Dallas (09:07.896)

Ha ha!

William (09:09.18)

Uh...

Cody (09:17.576)

Here's the thing. I found out that when J. R. O. Tolkien was reading the manuscript of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, he hated when Father Christmas showed up and gave all the kids weapons. And when J. R. O. Tolkien said that he hated it so much, Lewis kept it in out of spite.

William (09:18.646)

Hey, engagement's engagement.

Dallas (09:21.313)

Heh.

William (09:44.482)

Hehehehe

Cody (09:45.104)

That's the level of chaos energy that I- I scre- I- I work for. That- that is the level. Yes. Hahahaha

Dallas (09:46.158)

Uh...

Dallas (09:52.02)

Oh yes, Santa Claus, the Lord of War.

William (09:55.194)

He-headcanon?

Alex (09:55.218)

I just can't believe that Santa didn't give Edmund a lump of coal. Like, here you go turd.

Cody (10:01.316)

Well, I mean, Edmund wasn't with them at the time.

William (10:04.77)

uh headcanon right now uh david harbors sanaclaus in violent night is the same father christmas from uh...

Alex (10:05.164)

So we really headcanon now.

Alex (10:12.348)

Oh my goodness.

Dallas (10:14.08)

Ha ha ha!

Cody (10:15.146)

Well, if David Harbour is cast in the Greta Gerwig reboot, then we know where she got the idea from. But, I'm really-

William (10:21.555)

It's confirmed. Confirmed. Well, that's cool. Okay. Whoa. Ooh.

Dallas (10:25.44)

Here you go children, AK-47, good luck. Ho ho ho!

Alex (10:28.395)

Yeah.

Alex (10:31.562)

You killed one of my reindeer. You killed one of my reindeer that my wife with cancer gave me before her passing.

Dallas (10:32.236)

It's a modern retelling.

Dallas (10:36.512)

Hmm. Ha ha

William (10:39.322)

Modern retelling. Yeah, I've got like Miranda Priestly from Devil Wars product going dark gritty reboot groundbreaking Anybody anybody Miranda Priestly no Marils

Cody (10:49.588)

Okay, Miranda Priestley is the white witch. Done. Not Meryl Streep. Meryl Streep playing Miranda Priestley playing the white witch. The-

William (10:58.918)

No, Meryl Streep plays Mr. Tumnus and it's inspired. We will talk about it. Ha ha ha. Well, can you imagine if Meryl Streep does a movie like Eddie Murphy?

Alex (11:03.478)

Meryl Streep plays every character. Kind of like Adam Sandler in that, no, Adam Sandler and Eddie Murphy play, you know, just like the trees and stuff.

Cody (11:03.543)

I'm sorry.

William (11:16.555)

All those- can you imagine Meryl Streep doing that?

Dallas (11:18.448)

Yeah. They play the serious characters.

Alex (11:21.739)

What are the giant trees called in Lord of the Rings? Ents. Oh, no, no. Adam Sandler and Eddie Murphy are both the Ents that just carry him around, and then everyone else is just Meryl Streep.

William (11:24.362)

ints.

Dallas (11:24.922)

Oaks.

Cody (11:27.132)

Tom Bombadil?

William (11:27.281)

Hehehehehehehehe

Dallas (11:27.881)

No, my bad. I thought you meant just the regular trees.

Dallas (11:36.692)

Heh heh ha!

Alex (11:39.018)

You know, and here's one of the, we're gonna date ourselves for a second, because normally we exist outside of time, but I was listening to the monologue from this year's Golden Globes, and it was not well received by pretty much anyone. My main gripe is you don't throw people under the bus as your writers. Like, I didn't write that joke, if it's not funny. You get the credit when it's good, and you get the credit when it's bad. That's my only takeaway.

William (11:39.509)

Yes. Inspired.

William (11:52.91)

Hahaha

Dallas (12:02.476)

You own it.

William (12:05.041)

Mm-hmm.

Alex (12:08.374)

But he was like gushing over Meryl Streep and I was like, yeah, I get it, yeah.

Dallas (12:14.689)

Ha ha

William (12:14.934)

Hehehehehehe! Hmm?

Cody (12:15.512)

And then she, then she ums and then the uh, then the host unzips the uh, flesh suit on the back of his head and it's been Meryl Streep the whole time!

William (12:22.058)

And it's been Meryl Streep the whole time.

Alex (12:23.066)

It's Mero Streep the whole time!

Alex (12:28.909)

Incredible.

William (12:29.607)

Oh gosh. Well Dallas, what about you?

Cody (12:32.456)

I got one more thing. I got one more thing if I can briefly mention. Well, you know. The last night I was watching Best of Both Worlds, not related to Hannah Montana in any way, shape or form. It is the season three finale of Star Trek The Next Generation. I am telling you guys, if you guys need to get into it, if you guys please, I want to get it get you guys into it.

Dallas (12:32.781)

Okay, so.

William (12:35.659)

A twofer!

Nerve.

William (13:01.797)

Hahaha.

Cody (13:02.64)

Those are like the seminal episodes of the franchise. It's when Captain Picard gets kidnapped by the Borg and like Riker has to like kill Picard and has to make a moment where he-

Alex (13:16.226)

Borg of Directors and they're like, well, we're looking at your annual performance and I think we're gonna have to do layoffs. Unfortunately, quarter four was not your best work, Picard. He's like, I don't know you at all. The Borg of Directors, right?

William (13:22.858)

Hahaha

Cody (13:23.037)

haha

Cody (13:29.96)

but I watched that.

Dallas (13:30.284)

See, when I was a kid I watched Big Bad Beetleborgs, and so that's just where my head goes.

Alex (13:35.506)

Ha ha.

William (13:35.832)

Yup.

Cody (13:37.197)

But truly, a 35 year old episode is some of the scariest television that holds up to this day. And highly recommend if you guys haven't checked those out in a long time, or never, recommend watching them. But other than that, I'm done.

William (13:53.014)

Heh, okay.

Cody (13:54.47)

Okay.

Alex (13:54.962)

And he just hung up, he's not even on the call anymore, he just disappeared.

William (13:57.937)

Well, fine. Bye!

Cody (13:58.416)

Bye!

Dallas (14:00.089)

He disintegrated. Just... Oh no, you're good. No. So, my fandom... Shut up! Mute everybody!

Cody (14:01.945)

Sorry Dallas, sorry for interrupting.

Alex (14:07.078)

And let's interrupt Alice again. It's so much fun. You know what you're right Cody. This was fun

Dallas (14:14.944)

So how do I make everybody leave this? Is that a button?

Alex (14:18.67)

the

Dallas (14:19.424)

Kidding. So.

Cody (14:20.048)

Just say something incredibly inappropriate and then we'll leave.

Dallas (14:24.236)

I'll show you something instead, how about... Ha ha ha!

William (14:26.733)

And we're out, okay.

Cody (14:27.424)

Oh, don't tip me with a good time.

Dallas (14:30.348)

So, as a gamer, and as a gamer that also has a child, Minecraft just stays in the forefront of gaming in my house. And so they are making a live action Minecraft movie. Yeah, I don't know why I said that so disappoint- yeah, this is my fandom. Yeah.

Cody (14:41.071)

on.

William (14:47.214)

What?

Alex (14:47.563)

What?

Alex (14:52.749)

I can't believe they're doing it

Dallas (14:55.972)

No, but they released some of the actors that are gonna be in it and Jack Black is gonna be in it and Jason and Jason Momoa, I don't know So I Don't know if Jack Black is Trapped. Yeah, I don't know if he's trapped in a video game And this is him like leaking out a little bit at a time or if he's just like this is me now

William (15:00.922)

Oh my gosh, that's perfect.

Alex (15:03.283)

Blocks and blocks and blocks and blocks and blocks and blocks and blocks. Minecraft I love you. That was a Peaches reference from the Mario movie.

Alex (15:19.918)

Ew. First we have Cody's seminal moments, and now we've got Jack Black leaking out a little bit? Come on, guys, keep it together.

Dallas (15:25.052)

He's leaking out of video game sphincters everywhere, and this is it. No.

William (15:26.132)

Hehe

Alex (15:29.187)

Huh.

William (15:30.431)

I didn't think the comic could get worse, but here we are.

Dallas (15:33.556)

Here we go. So I don't know how you do Minecraft in live action, because Minecraft is literally just blocks. So I don't know how they're gonna do that, but it's a thing coming out, gonna watch it. I remember seeing the title, and that's as far as I made it.

Alex (15:33.91)

You got some work cut out for ya. Remember when I used to edit this one all the time?

Alex (15:46.67)

Do you remember the movie Pixels? Pixels, do you remember that one?

Alex (15:55.378)

I think that's just going to be that equivalent, but with Jack Black. No, I don't even remember. It was an Adam Sandler movie, which I don't know why he's... I don't even like Adam Sandler, and yet he was my celebrity in Six Degrees of Separation, and now I'm referencing him for The Lord of the Rings, and now I'm talking about one of his dumb failed movies. I think I need to see a therapist is what this is.

William (15:56.039)

Hehehehehehe

Dallas (15:59.808)

Did they have square heads?

Dallas (16:06.176)

Are they gonna punch trees?

William (16:19.545)

Ha ha

Dallas (16:21.76)

You're welcome. Yeah. Have you been watching like a marathon of Adam Sandler movies and this is just your way of like talking about it without talking about it? Like he's terrible, right? So anyway, in this movie, he... Yeah. So yeah, that's really like that and Sea of Thieves is coming to the PlayStation. It was an Xbox exclusive, but now it's going to be...

Alex (16:28.969)

I need to get it out.

Cody (16:33.288)

Ha ha

Alex (16:34.331)

That's kind of how it feels right now. My brain is broken.

Dallas (16:46.564)

on everything except maybe Switch. So that's all I got. Yeah. Minecraft. I've been with Minecraft since it was a concept, not a game. I paid eight dollars for it, like 20 years ago and just keep getting free updates. So here we are.

Cody (16:48.776)

Very nice.

Well, you know.

William (16:51.706)

course.

Cody (17:06.16)

That's awesome.

William (17:06.254)

That's amazing.

Alex (17:06.306)

I was with Minecraft back when I was working out in Eastern Kentucky, and I went down with a canary on my shoulder and I was digging up blocks. And then I went to work in a nursing home and got poop thrown at me.

Dallas (17:11.52)

hahahaha

Dallas (17:16.288)

When are you gonna say something that's making fun of me and not true, huh?

Cody (17:20.334)

Ha!

William (17:21.68)

HAHA

Cody (17:22.78)

Mah!

Dallas (17:23.543)

Haha, yeah.

Cody (17:25.924)

Hey, you're being deeply offensive right now. My father has a coal mining degree, so, you know, we're all smart people here.

Alex (17:35.181)

I didn't say anything to the other-

William (17:35.928)

a coal mining degree that he does not use.

Cody (17:38.512)

That's true. He does not use it.

Dallas (17:39.852)

You know how much coal I've mined in Minecraft? A lot. Was I sitting in Eastern Kentucky when it happened? Yes. Does that make me entitled to compensation? Yes.

Alex (17:43.094)

Hahaha

William (17:47.202)

Oh

Cody (17:47.804)

Yeah

Cody (17:51.896)

I've had mesothelioma for 38 years.

Alex (17:56.278)

diabetes and then you're just you're done throw all of them all of the commercials that I could get compensation for

William (17:59.02)

Sure, let's just throw out medical terms.

Dallas (18:02.728)

Yeah, I have a Mountain Dew work-related illness.

Cody (18:06.862)

Hahaha!

William (18:07.287)

Hehe

Alex (18:08.51)

It's funny that you picked Minecraft or a video game as your fandom thing. My fandom thing is also video game related, and that is the remake of The Last of Us Part 2.

Dallas (18:26.22)

Tetris. I saw that, yeah!

Alex (18:29.856)

So.

Cody (18:30.956)

It was a Last of Us Tetris crossover. It was a whole thing.

Alex (18:33.746)

It was, yeah. So the way you beat the zombies in the game is by dropping blocks on their head, but you gotta rotate it just right. So.

William (18:33.976)

Yeah

Dallas (18:44.108)

Yeah, and it's horrifically gruesome. It's terribly gruesome.

Cody (18:44.254)

I would play that. Ha ha ha.

William (18:46.051)

Hmm

Alex (18:46.994)

No, and it is one of those things where it's like, I'm excited, but it's very bizarre because uh You all are not in the fandom The the game was not well received by like half of the fandom without spoilers They upset a ton of people in the sake of telling a much deeper story than people expected and uh, let's just say that

Some people hearing me say that I am excited for this is enough for them to hate me That's that level So I'm glad you asked so Well, the last of us part one came out on the ps3 It was like the dying breath of the ps3 so it got a remaster for the ps4 and then That had existed for a long time

Dallas (19:23.197)

How many remasters does The Last of Us have though? It's not an old game and it's already getting a remastered.

William (19:36.516)

Oh.

Alex (19:45.25)

they made The Last of Us Part 2 for the PS4, and that was again at the tail end of the PS4's life cycle. They then remade the remaster of The Last of Us to kind of bridge the gap between the first game and the second game and kind of bring the graphics up to speed and the gameplay, and then they're like, well now we're on the PS5.

So we can actually remake the part two the way we wanted to make it the first go round. So they just, I don't know if they get their timing. Yeah, that's.

Dallas (20:23.268)

Is that what it is? Or is it, it was not well received, the show came out, people love it again, so they're like, maybe we should try reselling that game again.

Alex (20:33.002)

No, the first game was loved. The second game, well, the second game actually got a great critical reception. And the critics were like, this is engaging. It's very, like, it's challenging you. Like, you talk about a morality system not existing in Hogwarts Legacy. This is like, hey, guess what? It's all moral choices and an examination thereof.

Dallas (20:37.108)

I'm talking about this one, the second one.

Alex (21:01.266)

And some people would rather turn their brains off and play The Walking Dead, the video game, you know? And that was not, yeah, that was not what they thought they were getting, and therefore they were unhappy. This is, I'm glossing over a ton of nuance here, because we don't have an episode long enough for that. There are people who have dedicated hours of podcasting, so... But anyways.

Cody (21:07.723)

Mmm.

William (21:07.918)

You're just bashing zombies. Yeah.

Cody (21:18.248)

Mm-hmm.

William (21:22.073)

Ha ha

Alex (21:28.358)

I am excited the upgrade is 10 bucks so hey who cares. Yeah exactly if you already own the game they're like look we're putting in a ton of work. If you don't own it already then get the remake. Like awesome. Yeah if you already own it then it's a $10 upgrade and I go alright great cool. So.

Dallas (21:32.968)

That's not terrible. Yeah.

William (21:33.49)

Oh, well, that's nice. Okay, okay, cool.

Cody (21:42.608)

The new one, yeah.

Dallas (21:43.221)

Right, yeah.

Cody (21:50.992)

That's part of the reason for a lot of my movies and TV shows I've basically gone digital so that when the resolutions and the formats change like that and you remaster and you redo it, they pretty much just upscale it automatically instead of being stuck on a DVD.

Alex (22:07.538)

Yeah, until they just delete it off of your service entirely because digital ownership in air quotes is not ownership at all.

Cody (22:14.232)

Well, that's another conversation if we wanted to go full- If you wanted me to go for a lawyer on ya.

Alex (22:17.714)

Yeah. But yeah. So that's what I got for my fandom.

William (22:20.17)

No, no, please no.

Dallas (22:22.7)

That's just when you illegally download it and you just keep it on a separate hard drive.

Alex (22:26.366)

Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

Cody (22:27.024)

Hehe

Dallas (22:28.872)

Right, lawyer? Right?

William (22:29.02)

And grabs collar, yanks twice.

Alex (22:31.798)

Wait a second, why did the light change on my notification that my camera's working? Second camera accessed FBI van. Wait a second, I just got a pop-up on my wifi. This is the police, open up! You wouldn't download a car! You wouldn't download a house!

Dallas (22:35.596)

Ha ha!

William (22:38.39)

Well guys, that'll be that'll be it for the dailies

Dallas (22:41.836)

You guys hold on somebody's knocking on my door. Hold on. I'll be back

Dallas (22:47.98)

Hahaha

Cody (22:49.048)

Why did your wife- why did my Wi-Fi change to FBI surveillance van?

William (22:53.596)

Hahahaha

Dallas (22:53.972)

Hahaha

Alex (22:54.646)

You wouldn't download a house. I remember that.

Cody (22:56.013)

And why is it unprotected Wi-Fi?

Alex (23:00.499)

Always use protection.

William (23:02.656)

Oh, oh. I, gosh, okay, that's it for the dailies. We're gonna take a break and we'll be right back. Bye. Okay, I haven't stopped recording. Do you wanna just, huh?

Cody (23:08.552)

Bye.

Alex (23:14.445)

Don't stop the recording. Aspen, why are you playing? Hold on, I'm gonna go get the dog. Just announce it, I'm gonna mute for a second. She's...

William (23:16.398)

Okay.

Cody (23:19.448)

I-I'm glad for once. I-I'm-

William (23:26.551)

You can keep talking.

Cody (23:26.768)

I'm glad for once that my- it's not me who's struggling right now with connectivity issues. I'm just like- because it's always seemed to be me when like things go wrong and things blow up.

William (23:39.887)

Meh.

Dallas (23:41.932)

You got that gasoline powered computer. It's gonna explode sometimes.

Cody (23:41.956)

And I have gre- Well, yes. Well, the internet here is great 99% of the time, but for whatever reason, when we start recording, it's just like... Nope, we're- Nope, nope, we're-

William (23:43.99)

Hehe

William (23:54.722)

Nope. Eh, I'm done.

Dallas (23:56.564)

I wonder what your upload speeds are, because this is heavily contingent upon upload and download.

Alex (24:02.738)

It's actually, well, it's not bad on upload because it'll just upload after the fact, which surprisingly right now my upload is only at 45%. It's not doing great.

Cody (24:14.316)

I'm at 99. Yeah.

William (24:16.056)

99.

Okay, so yeah, let's just let's just keep the recording going. Okay for this game segment, we'll do the True confessions and then Tomorrow if we get another Like main show episode in we'll do your game Cody Yeah, yeah

Alex (24:32.258)

Another session.

Cody (24:36.048)

out tomorrow. Okay.

It's ready if you wanted to... if we wanted to just barrel through.

Alex (24:44.437)

Let's do it for tomorrow. That way we... I've already prepared truths and a lie, so... All right.

Cody (24:47.473)

Okay.

William (24:50.643)

Sure, okay, I know you're excited about it. We'll do that tomorrow. Okay, and we're back. So for tonight's...

Alex (24:57.174)

Wait, what were our drinks? What did you get us from the bar?

I can't believe you're going to let a virtual tradition die on me like this. We changed up the format to be better for the show, and yet you're going to walk to the bar and only get yourself a drink? So rude.

Dallas (25:05.344)

Hehehehehehe

William (25:08.055)

Huh.

William (25:13.667)

Hey.

Dallas (25:14.208)

He got us all drinks and he drank them all up there by himself as a power move.

Cody (25:16.432)

Some might say he... some might say that he lied to you. Some might say that he lied to you about getting drinks.

Alex (25:16.583)

Yeah

William (25:17.842)

So for this game session...

Alex (25:21.979)

Oh

William (25:24.634)

I totally planned that, Cody. So tonight we are going to play true confessions, which if you have, um, watched the tonight show with Jimmy Fallon, he plays that game on the show. It's basically two truths and a lie, but with some swanky jazz music underneath of it, which you're obviously hearing right now through the power of editing.

Cody (25:30.861)

audible blink audible blink

Alex (25:49.878)

but it's also an interrogation.

William (25:52.77)

Yes, so the way this is going to work, each player is going to take a turn, and they have one truth and one lie sealed in a digital envelope in front of them. We will all collectively pick one or two, and at that point they will quote unquote open it and they will read their truth or read their lie, and it's up to the rest of us to figure out are they lying or are they telling the truth.

Alex (26:04.982)

ta taaa

Alex (26:20.774)

Ok guys, so pick one for truth or two for lie. What story do you want to hear?

Dallas (26:26.747)

Ha ha

William (26:28.132)

Okay, so I'll go first. Okay. Uh, one.

Alex (26:33.186)

Did anyone see the ghost just close Dallas' door? It was amazing. Yeah, I saw that.

Dallas (26:37.012)

Did you guys see that?

Cody (26:39.128)

It was a small Victorian child.

Alex (26:42.314)

in a nightgown and he was saying play with podcast with us Dallas come podcast with us.

Cody (26:43.8)

in an eyecown.

William (26:47.354)

Ha ha ha!

Cody (26:49.671)

If he like gets if he just like immediately just disappears right now, we know it's haunt. He's haunted his house is haunted

William (26:57.85)

I've always just kind of secretly hoped that there would be a

Alex (26:58.806)

Hi, welcome back to a doctor, a lawyer, and a pilot. The professor was abducted by a ghost.

William (27:06.847)

But we have a deadline, so we've gotta keep talking!

Cody (27:07.392)

An alien ghost. Ha ha ha.

Dallas (27:09.836)

Guys, the cops just showed up to my house.

Alex (27:10.271)

For this week's game we're playing, for this week's game we're playing with a Ouija board. Dallas if you can hear us.

Dallas (27:18.787)

Hehehe

Cody (27:18.856)

cough twice.

William (27:20.57)

Oh yeah Dallas, you were abducted by ghosts while you were gone. I don't know if you heard that part. Okay, so guys pick one or two. Yes, for me.

Dallas (27:23.862)

Oh yeah.

Alex (27:30.166)

For William, I want one.

Cody (27:35.013)

I want two.

Alex (27:37.61)

But we have to decide collectively.

Dallas (27:38.179)

Oh.

William (27:39.571)

What, I mean, I can't, you gotta get a collectively pick. Do you want one or two? Break the tie, Dallas.

Alex (27:42.53)

Alright Dallas, break the tie, we've got one or two.

Cody (27:43.592)

Three.

One, just...

Dallas (27:47.008)

See here... oh it's one. I rolled a dice. I really did roll a dice and it landed on one, so...

William (27:50.349)

One, okay.

Alex (27:50.974)

Roll for initiative.

William (27:55.354)

So, um, when, uh, so I went to the Dominican Republic, uh, whenever I was there, we were doing, uh, an outreach at a local school and, uh, the school didn't have any bathrooms. Um, so I had to go next door to a barbershop and, um,

Well, as I left, the patrons of the barbershop were calling Chico Kaka after me as I hurried out the door.

Alex (28:37.4)

We're allowed to start interrogating you now, correct? What town, what city in town were you in, in the Dominican?

William (28:39.342)

Sure. Yeah, you can ask me anything you want.

William (28:44.178)

Uh, so this was, I don't entirely remember the town that we were in because it was just outside of, uh, Bate Nueve, which is where we were staying. So that, that part I, I uh...

Cody (29:01.912)

And what does Chico Kaka mean?

William (29:05.558)

Uh, uh, poop. Uh, poop, poop boy. Poop boy.

Cody (29:06.888)

I get Chico.

Cody (29:11.065)

Oh yes, yes. Okay.

Dallas (29:11.072)

Bye.

Dallas (29:14.668)

Was anybody else with you?

William (29:14.81)

Chico's. No, they were all working the outreach and I had to go find a restroom. Medical, we were on medical.

Dallas (29:24.396)

What was the outreach?

Alex (29:24.522)

What outreach? Yeah, there you go.

Dallas (29:29.58)

I mean specifically that day.

Cody (29:30.081)

I remember when you went on this trip.

William (29:32.691)

giving medicines for things.

Alex (29:34.638)

giving medicines, okay?

Cody (29:36.02)

This is true, I remember this trip. Is when he's in medical school.

Alex (29:39.51)

Dude, spoiler, oh wait, he could be using a real trip to then tell a fake story.

Dallas (29:47.452)

Oh yeah, I mean, yeah, he's...

Cody (29:50.008)

Yeah. That's the kind of-

William (29:52.3)

Cough.

Dallas (29:53.068)

Why were you getting a haircut in...

Alex (29:55.574)

Did you just, why, yeah, what was the purpose of going to the barber shop?

William (29:59.238)

It was close. I said, Mom, to... Oh, did you get a haircut? I didn't get a haircut. I was just using the facilities. Mm-hmm.

Cody (30:00.72)

the nearest bathroom.

Dallas (30:02.495)

How much did it cost?

Cody (30:14.152)

Hmm.

Alex (30:14.294)

We would be terrible private investigators. We're like, yeah, I take this at face value. This makes sense.

Cody (30:18.588)

There's the-

Dallas (30:20.156)

Where did you go right after?

William (30:22.695)

Right Back to the back to work back to the outreach

Dallas (30:26.636)

Back to working in a different town or were you in the same spot?

Cody (30:26.763)

The worst score I got in LoL

William (30:30.43)

No, I went back to the school to keep to camp. I walked over to the barbershop. Uh, I don't know. Did Dominican Republic Elementary? I don't know. I don't remember.

Dallas (30:33.056)

Here's within walking distance.

Cody (30:36.604)

What was the school?

Alex (30:45.866)

Wow, racist.

Cody (30:46.332)

That's... That's just so...

William (30:50.066)

Her daughter goes to Owingsville Elementary. It's not obscene to name it. Location Elementary.

Alex (30:54.038)

They don't go to United States Elementary though.

Cody (30:56.336)

There's not United States of America Elementary. Like...

William (30:59.682)

I don't know. I made that I was in jest. I don't remember the name of the school.

Dallas (31:00.18)

You remember that.

Alex (31:04.802)

Hmm.

Dallas (31:05.1)

about how far away from where you were working was the barber shop.

William (31:09.378)

Bye bye.

William (31:13.673)

About 100 yards.

Alex (31:15.37)

Why didn't you just go back inside where you were?

Dallas (31:15.468)

better the arts.

Alex (31:19.906)

Why didn't you just go back inside if you're at the school? Working at the school, why didn't you go use the bathroom at the school?

William (31:24.794)

Ugh! They didn't have any.

Cody (31:28.936)

They didn't have any bathroom at the school. Was the bathroom under construction? Was the bathroom under-

Dallas (31:28.94)

Those kids don't use the bathroom while they're there.

William (31:31.402)

I don't have any, no.

Alex (31:32.194)

Guys, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I believe that he in fact went somewhere. I believe like that he was in the Dominican and the fact that he knows Bate Nueve. Right, I fully believe that maybe some kid yelled at him, called him

William (31:36.919)

No, they just didn't have one.

Cody (31:46.756)

He was in the Dominican.

William (31:56.148)

No, they were grown adults.

Alex (32:00.846)

because you just blew up their bathroom.

Cody (32:04.716)

How many kids were in the school? Like how large was how large was this facility?

Alex (32:07.946)

My goodness, like that's gonna help.

William (32:08.474)

Uh, the schools, school wasn't, school wasn't in session. They were just using it as a location for medical outreach.

Cody (32:18.128)

How large was this facility? Like, is it like a room schoolhouse? Are we talking like Mason Court Elementary size?

William (32:25.006)

Nah, in between. I mean, it probably... I don't know, we were basically next to the sun, so...

Dallas (32:26.732)

What time did you go to the bathroom?

Cody (32:26.937)

In between.

Alex (32:33.43)

Where did you go to the bathroom the rest of the time that you were there? Like the rest of the day?

William (32:38.642)

I... I didn't. I got...

Cody (32:42.736)

Hey.

Alex (32:44.998)

Yeah, I'm gonna be the first to say it. I'm calling BS. Well, yeah, I mean, once you have a doctor decide that you're gonna lose like three feet of colon, even worse, you didn't even know what was causing the problems.

Cody (32:45.308)

I mean, to be fair, he has some very weird bowel movements.

William (32:54.37)

Oh, this was before that.

Cody (32:55.96)

It was.

William (32:57.611)

Yeah.

Dallas (33:00.128)

So tell me this story again.

Cody (33:00.519)

Yeah.

William (33:02.367)

We need to set a time limit or something on this.

Alex (33:04.03)

Yeah, I think we've gone five minutes on this.

Dallas (33:05.799)

Anita, how serious do we need to get with this? I'm heavily invested in designing.

William (33:08.02)

Hahaha

Alex (33:09.855)

Guys, I'm already willing to call BS. Haha. I'm calling caca on this.

Cody (33:11.492)

You see, this sounds like something that would happen to me. And therefore...

Dallas (33:13.836)

This is a lie.

William (33:16.421)

Ha ha

Dallas (33:17.504)

Liar liar, caca on fire.

Alex (33:19.382)

He has built out real parts from a true story. That is my.

Cody (33:19.79)

I think it's a lie.

Yeah.

William (33:24.99)

Well guys, this story was 100% true 100% True, uh, it's up there on the top five most embarrassing moments of my entire life to have a bunch of um, dominicans Screaming names at me in spanish as i'm leaving this barbershop the school indeed did not have any bathrooms um The kids

Alex (33:30.204)

No!

Dallas (33:30.86)

They're gonnets!

Cody (33:31.368)

Oh, okay.

Dallas (33:45.644)

Hehehehehehe

Dallas (33:54.112)

Had to go find something to poop in?

William (33:55.57)

Yeah, they did. We were there for about three hours. We had a medical clinic set up and it was 100% true.

Alex (33:56.534)

Wow, that is rough, dude.

Dallas (34:03.52)

Did you go poopy or did you go pee-pee?

William (34:05.898)

Um, they called me Chico Kaka, so... Um... Oh yes, the devastation that I, uh...

Alex (34:09.77)

I'll let you determine.

Dallas (34:11.429)

Okay, so they knew.

Cody (34:11.982)

It's the Pooh Boy.

Alex (34:15.498)

Ha ha ha!

Dallas (34:15.752)

Okay. I didn't know if this was just a they were going to call you a name regardless or if you earned this name. Okay.

Cody (34:19.423)

Ah.

William (34:22.19)

No, I earned it 100%.

Cody (34:24.208)

I didn't know if, like, you had stuff on your pants, like...

Alex (34:26.622)

I mean honestly this is beautiful that it's like you left an indelible mark on those people's nostrils and they were like that's the little poop boy that's the little poop boy and you're like stop it that's the one thing I'm sensitive about.

Dallas (34:30.229)

Hahaha

William (34:34.478)

Did. I did. They probably still-

William (34:40.267)

Yeah. So.

So I think that gives me a point, because points matter, obviously here. Dallas, what about you? Your turn.

Cody (34:48.42)

You know, right?

Alex (34:49.742)

Oh yeah. Ooh, Dallas. Uh, do we want one or two for him? One or two. Two? Okay.

Dallas (34:51.18)

Okie dokie!

William (34:53.474)

Let's do two for Dallas. Yeah, let's do two.

Cody (34:55.112)

too.

Dallas (34:55.856)

Okay, so this is gonna be hard because I don't remember things that I've told everybody at this point. So

William (35:02.03)

Hehehehehehe

Alex (35:02.696)

If you've already told us the story, we'll just edit it.

Cody (35:03.26)

Here's the problem, he's had so many wild and outlandish stories in his life that I'm pretty sure he'll tell something completely benign and normal and that's the lie. I had Pop Tarts for breakfasts and you've never had Pop Tarts in your life.

Dallas (35:06.057)

Yeah.

Dallas (35:15.263)

Hehe

William (35:15.459)

Hahaha

William (35:22.215)

Hehe

Dallas (35:23.501)

After your pocket pop tart story, I was just like, I just don't see the appeal. I don't know.

William (35:27.214)

Ha ha ha!

Cody (35:27.576)

Look, Pop Tarts are great, Cargo Shorts are a great place to store Pop Tarts.

Alex (35:28.532)

All right.

William (35:32.127)

Okay, two, number two.

Alex (35:32.155)

Ssss... Two.

Dallas (35:33.228)

So number two, okay, now you, all right, so.

Alex (35:39.302)

I'm gonna- it's a lie. Look at him trying.

Dallas (35:41.896)

Chill out, chill out bro. One time at graduation, at the school that I work at now, I was talking to an elderly couple and I thought that they were parents or grandparents. Son of a gun. Dang it. All right, so that's what I thought. Let's find another one. I'm trying to think of something that's appropriate but also...

William (35:43.891)

Hehe

Alex (35:50.228)

Mm-hmm.

Alex (35:57.398)

Time out, you've already told this story. Sorry, buddy. George Clooney's parents. Ha.

Cody (35:57.66)

Because it's George Clooney's parents.

Alex (36:09.806)

Oh, no, hold on. Shall we?

Cody (36:10.316)

I mean, this is the first job that... This is the first job you've had where fecal matter isn't thrown at you.

Dallas (36:10.356)

Something I haven't told you guys.

William (36:10.81)

Hahaha

Dallas (36:14.464)

Come back to me and I'll mix them back up. Yeah, now I gotta mix them back up and come with another.

Alex (36:15.658)

Let's go back to Dallas. All right. William, that was beautiful. I want to keep it in the family now, because Cody had the advantage of knowing you went on this trip. It's now Cody's turn. We're putting him on the hot seat. Cody, do we want to give him one or two? Should we go two?

William (36:17.44)

Okay.

William (36:21.69)

Ha ha!

William (36:30.17)

Okay.

Cody (36:31.92)

All right, one or two.

William (36:37.212)

Uh, sure. We did one for me, let's do two for Cody.

Alex (36:39.042)

Two for Cody, two.

Cody (36:42.168)

I once shared an elevator with Bernie Sanders.

Alex (36:47.323)

Ooh, oh, see, because I know that you were a page or an intern in DC. What was the technical title? Because I already know that's true.

William (36:50.551)

in DC.

Cody (36:58.805)

I was a district intern for the office of Senator Rand Paul.

Alex (37:02.45)

See, I feel like this could be true. Um.

William (37:05.334)

I know that part is true. Um, what building were you in?

Cody (37:11.217)

I was in... I think it was the... I think Rand Paul's office was the Longworth building? It was right there in Capitol Hill. It was a Capitol!

Alex (37:17.938)

He could name any building right now and I'd be like, yeah, sure, I don't know what it's called.

Cody (37:21.324)

It was- it was the Capitol Hill. It was the Ca- it was- it was Capitol Hill and all of the adjoining buildings that go with it. Thing is-

William (37:21.807)

But...

William (37:29.85)

Hmm.

Alex (37:31.05)

It was the Admiral North West building, named after Admiral South and...

William (37:34.419)

Right.

William (37:38.07)

Were you leaving or going to your job?

Cody (37:41.573)

I was going to it, it was in the morning.

William (37:43.934)

It was in the morning. OK, you shared the elevator was, I am assuming that Bernie's office was also in the same building.

Alex (37:44.183)

Okay.

Cody (37:50.688)

Yeah, he's on the third floor. Of the same building.

William (37:52.919)

third for really when was

Alex (37:53.847)

Hmm.

Dallas (37:54.388)

What was the building?

Cody (37:57.248)

Um, I mean, I'm going to Google Rand Paul's because it's been eight years. It was, it was Rand Paul's office building. I think it was either Rayburn.

William (38:01.598)

Nope, no, no. Oh, really? You worked for Rand Paul. So the building was Rand Paul's office building. Okay. What floor was, what, what floor was Rand's office on?

Alex (38:02.142)

No, no, keep... what did you just say the name of the building was?

Alex (38:09.139)

Hahaha

Cody (38:12.06)

Well, that-

Alex (38:12.245)

What was the name?

Cody (38:16.092)

Second.

William (38:18.178)

Second. Hmm.

Cody (38:19.712)

So I got off the elevator before.

Alex (38:19.978)

And what was the name of the building again, Cody?

Dallas (38:23.175)

Hehe

William (38:24.546)

Hehe

Cody (38:24.803)

It was either Lone Worth or Rayburn, I cannot remember which one.

Alex (38:29.35)

Ooh, dang it, he actually said the same name again, which is...

Dallas (38:30.7)

Is there anybody else in the elevator with you?

Cody (38:33.938)

Do it.

William (38:34.87)

Was there anybody else in the elevator?

Dallas (38:35.372)

Is there anybody else?

Cody (38:37.18)

There was not.

William (38:38.907)

Oh, it's just you I'm burning. Did you talk?

Alex (38:39.19)

Just you and Bernie?

Cody (38:40.516)

It was just me and Bernie.

William (38:43.374)

Did you talk?

Cody (38:46.244)

Look, I was a first year intern and just completely overwhelmed by all the sights and smell. I thought of a thousand things to say, and I was too afraid to say anything.

William (38:56.215)

Really, how did he smell?

Cody (38:59.47)

Like an old man who eats Werther's. It smelled like Werther's.

Dallas (39:00.172)

Is he a brute or old Spiceman?

William (39:03.094)

Hmm

Alex (39:03.775)

Irish Springs.

William (39:06.946)

Hmm, really.

Dallas (39:13.972)

No picture with him. Didn't shake his hand. Didn't even say hi. I'm sorry, I forwarded nothing.

Cody (39:16.774)

Nope.

Alex (39:19.126)

Hmm.

Cody (39:21.412)

I worked for Rand Paul, I don't think I was legally allowed to say hi to Bernie Sanders.

Dallas (39:24.956)

hahahaha

William (39:27.296)

I think I know.

Alex (39:29.006)

I personally think that he again picked a scenario that is tangential to a true story. He was in the, you were in an elevator with like somebody else. It's not actually Bernie Sanders. You were probably in there with like a Mitt Romney or someone maybe before his time, but I don't think it was Bernie Sanders. I'm going to call BS on this one.

Dallas (39:48.864)

Ross Perot.

William (39:51.489)

If only.

William (39:54.996)

I'm...

Cody (39:56.725)

I... I will say one thing about Bernie Sanders, the man can run for his age. Like, he is.

Dallas (40:01.952)

Did you chase him?

William (40:03.062)

Was he running laps in the elevator? How do you... Oh, hahahaha! Uh, uh...

Alex (40:04.866)

No, for Senate actually.

Dallas (40:06.856)

Oh yeah. Ayo!

Cody (40:08.595)

He... he was like power walking on the elevator. Like, it was intense for a man that... No, he's power- when he came to the elevator, he was power walking. Yes, on two. Yes.

Alex (40:13.439)

Power walking on the elevator? Interesting, do you mean escalator?

William (40:13.442)

Oh.

Hmm.

Dallas (40:18.212)

Onto the elevator. I'm gonna say he's telling the truth

William (40:19.826)

Ah, gotcha. I'm calling BS.

Alex (40:24.854)

Yeah, I'm gonna go BS too. Ha ha.

Dallas (40:26.092)

I believe in you, Cody.

Cody (40:28.996)

It was actually Marco Rubio, but... Hahahaha!

William (40:31.102)

Ha! I knew it! I knew it!

Alex (40:31.51)

YESS

Dallas (40:31.984)

And I never believed anything he said again.

Alex (40:35.522)

Hahaha

William (40:36.57)

Uhhh...

Cody (40:37.329)

But the power walking thing is completely true. Because, about Bernie in general, because I saw Bernie Sanders, I got to sit in the gallery and watch the Senate in action, and the man like ran from one side of the floor to the other. It was intense.

Alex (40:41.322)

Wait, about Bernie in general or?

William (40:56.13)

Ha ha

Alex (40:56.958)

Excuse me, I have something important to talk about, then I have to go to this barber over here so I can take a poop.

Dallas (41:02.956)

Heh. Heh, heh, heh.

Cody (41:04.529)

Ha ha

William (41:04.774)

Yes!

Alex (41:05.334)

Bernie you know there are working restrooms in the building. Yes I know but that barber is taking good care of me.

William (41:13.818)

Chris.

Dallas (41:14.804)

Everybody knows you don't do number twos in the same place that you work.

Alex (41:16.874)

You have to spread the wealth. Not all bathrooms deserve to be pooped in. That one.

William (41:17.998)

Hehe

Dallas (41:22.514)

Uh...

Cody (41:23.836)

I also found myself.

William (41:25.106)

You know you're working with quality people when you're hired on someplace, they're like, this is the one we all poop in. Okay, gotcha, gotcha. What about you, Alex?

Alex (41:32.682)

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cody (41:34.188)

I also was in a... I was first, I was also in a crosswalk with Clarence Thomas, but that's another story for another day.

Alex (41:41.698)

Did he ask you for a donation? You gotta be really careful about that one.

Cody (41:45.096)

Oooooooooh!

Dallas (41:45.932)

Mmm.

William (41:46.159)

I immediately pictured you kind of taking on a James Corden type role in The Crosswalk and you and Clarence Thomas break out into some sort of melancholy song.

Alex (41:53.314)

Hahaha. Cinderella.

Cody (41:56.357)

E-

It was more of like a, I was walking and I just found myself with an entourage worth of people and then I turned my head and it was Clarence Thomas. And like, I immediately fell back and went, oh my- AHH! IT'S- IT'S CLARENCE THOMAS!

Alex (42:16.262)

I would probably walk right by that crosswalk and you'd be freaking out and be like, what, did you like step in some caca? You know?

Dallas (42:26.366)

Dave Thomas? Where? Oh, wrong one.

Alex (42:29.126)

Dave Thomas of Matchbox 20? Is Santana nearby? They wrote a great banger.

Dallas (42:35.392)

Hehehehehehe

Cody (42:36.646)

No!

William (42:38.526)

Okay, Alex, your turn.

Cody (42:39.556)

Go on, Alex.

Alex (42:39.568)

It's to me. All right. Well, one or two.

Dallas (42:41.324)

Let's do this.

William (42:43.862)

I'm feeling... One.

Alex (42:46.838)

You're feeling one? Okay.

Alex (42:51.323)

I... Again, if...

Alex (42:57.342)

Okay. I did karaoke with Billy Joe Armstrong.

Cody (43:06.256)

Who first who is Billy Joe Armstrong?

William (43:06.846)

Okay, first question. Who is...

Alex (43:09.237)

I was that's where I was very concerned

Dallas (43:11.873)

I think you meant to say Neil Armstrong, is what you meant to say, my bad.

William (43:13.748)

Hahaha!

Alex (43:13.91)

Yes, exactly. No, he is the... He's the lead singer for Green Day.

Cody (43:14.514)

Hahahaha!

Cody (43:23.356)

Oh, okay.

William (43:24.651)

Uh, l- uh, or, or Lance Armstrong. He, he was auto-tuned the entire time. No. Green day? Green day. Like wake me up when September ends green day.

Alex (43:27.102)

No, no, that's the man. That's the biker. Yeah. Nope.

Dallas (43:27.957)

or stretch Armstrong.

Alex (43:35.138)

Green Day, yeah.

Cody (43:37.296)

American idiot.

Alex (43:39.655)

Yes, exactly!

Cody (43:40.58)

Yeah, 2000s band.

Dallas (43:42.216)

elaborate yes

Alex (43:43.454)

Elaborate? Okay. I was in an Irish bar in New York City and I was there, this was back in about 2015. Oh, excuse me. Fine, I'll just sit back and let you all keep asking.

William (43:44.258)

Where were you?

William (43:55.455)

Excuse me, we asked the questions here.

Dallas (43:58.54)

OBJECT! Overruled.

Cody (44:00.936)

Who was... who was with you on this?

Alex (44:05.506)

This is where it gets a little awkward. It was a trip with my ex.

William (44:11.555)

Hmm.

Cody (44:11.868)

Well I'm still, I think I'm still Facebook friends with Angelica, so... Hahahaha!

Dallas (44:14.208)

Wait checks. Phone a friend. Phone an ex friend.

Alex (44:18.219)

You gonna call her? Okay, that'd be really weird. No, we went to New York to visit her uncle.

William (44:19.534)

Hehe

Dallas (44:21.676)

Hahaha!

William (44:25.966)

Mmm, the old classic uncle in New York bit

Cody (44:26.649)

Mmm.

Dallas (44:26.764)

What's her uncle's name?

Alex (44:28.417)

Adam.

Dallas (44:30.482)

Adam?

Alex (44:31.174)

Adam, yes. Interestingly, he is also the man who got me a job with the Kentucky Derby.

William (44:38.21)

What song did you sing together?

Alex (44:41.246)

So this is where it's really fun. I did not want to do karaoke at all. I hate karaoke. And it was the fact that we were in a bar. We were not supposed to be there at the time. I was 21 in a couple months. So we were there because this was Adam's favorite bar. And so he's drunk, out of his mind.

and he is pressuring me and Angelica to get up on stage. I did not want to. So she sang one of the Disney princess songs because she was pretty good at doing that. I get up and start singing American Idiot because I was like, I feel like an idiot. And all of a sudden, out of the corner of my eye, I see a man walk up and in his

black dyed hair and skinny jeans, Uplux, Billy Joe Armstrong, and he started singing with me. That is, yeah, that is how it happened.

Cody (45:53.644)

Isn't it quite literally the plot of the beginning of High School Musical? Where they come up and magically do karaoke?

Alex (45:57.475)

No. No, that was at

William (46:00.353)

I'm pretty sure I've seen this reel before where somebody is singing and an artist is like, that's my song

Alex (46:04.842)

He does this.

Uh...

Cody (46:08.38)

This feels like Instagram Reely, and I know you love your Reels. Are you confusing real life with Instagram Reels? Because...

William (46:11.489)

Mm-hmm.

Alex (46:14.395)

No, I am not.

William (46:16.118)

Are you confusing a reality with that? No, it wasn't. I.

Alex (46:19.702)

That was good. That was very good.

Dallas (46:20.684)

Oooh. Was this in September?

Cody (46:20.89)

that was good

Alex (46:24.618)

It was not. In fact, he hates that song. For the record.

Dallas (46:26.242)

So he wasn't asleep.

Cody (46:31.676)

Did you talk afterwards?

Dallas (46:31.756)

I'm calling crap on this one.

Alex (46:32.926)

You can... did we talk afterwards? Uh, he dapped me up and that was about it. Like the clapping, where you like clap a hand and then you're like bringing it in for like a bro hug and then he walked out and that was it.

Cody (46:36.123)

Yeah.

William (46:39.299)

He what?

Dallas (46:40.428)

That's gross.

William (46:42.337)

Oh.

Dallas (46:49.964)

calling bull crap on this. This smells like a poopy boy.

William (46:51.316)

Yeah, no.

Alex (46:52.394)

Really?

Cody (46:56.476)

I'm going to have to say this is true. Or it's an artist. It's another artist. Like we all played the, uh, like it's tangentially related. Yeah.

William (47:05.122)

partial truth change one detail thing.

Alex (47:08.754)

Any more questions before you make your final decision?

William (47:11.038)

No, you lie.

Dallas (47:12.842)

No.

Cody (47:14.116)

I think it's a truth.

Alex (47:16.002)

Cody, I love you very much, and that is why I am proud to tell you all, this is in fact, 100% a lie. Well, I-

Dallas (47:16.108)

I don't know if they're gonna advise.

William (47:27.11)

I knew it. 100% I knew it.

Cody (47:27.544)

Mmm, yeah, you know, you know.

Dallas (47:28.439)

I knew it. Your wife just went to do karaoke and that's where your brain went. It's karaoke. Ha ha ha.

Alex (47:34.762)

Yep, exactly, exactly. I was like crap, I can't tell my truth? So now I'm just gonna have to hold onto my truth for the next one. That's good, that's also good. Well now, exactly, that's what's so irritating. Now I was like dang it, my truth is even stranger than the fiction, so.

William (47:35.644)

Hahahaha!

Dallas (47:44.137)

Uh...

William (47:44.989)

Listen, this is a safe space, okay?

Dallas (47:48.62)

You don't have to lie to us. Except you do because that's the name of the game. Ha ha ha.

William (47:49.786)

..

William (47:59.291)

Alright Dallas.

Dallas (48:00.973)

Alright, let's do this.

Alex (48:02.598)

One time I ate a cicada, I told that story. All right.

Dallas (48:05.056)

Son of a gun!

William (48:07.807)

Do we want to keep the trend like one, two, one, two, two? Number two. Just like my cock.

Alex (48:10.762)

Yeah, he's gotta tell number... number two.

Dallas (48:12.096)

Roll for it. Number two, all right.

Alex (48:17.762)

Oh.

Cody (48:19.024)

Many of our truths are dependent.

Dallas (48:19.268)

I was waiting for somebody to make a number two joke.

Alex (48:21.652)

again.

Cody (48:22.904)

Many of our truths are dependent on our own point of view, so it could have been a lie, but in reality it's the truth. So who knows?

Dallas (48:23.617)

So.

Dallas (48:29.416)

All wars based on Percept.

William (48:30.351)

Let's not get into how we perceive reality here.

Dallas (48:35.016)

Okay, are you ready? So one time, one time I was going to a training, and there's a stretch of road between here and said training that is longer than I had anticipated, and I drank too many of the liquids, and I had to go pee-pee. And much like Williams, I had to go pee-pee.

William (48:35.979)

Now I'm ready.

Alex (48:53.77)

What is going on with our... our bowels?

Dallas (48:58.256)

I know, much like Williams' story, there was nowhere for me to go that was appropriate, so I pulled over on the side of the road to go pee-pee in a bottle, because I couldn't hold it, no moss. And the training I was going to was a law enforcement training with like 200 plus police officers. So while I was going pee-pee in this bottle, I was passed.

William (49:10.776)

Ha ha ha!

Dallas (49:28.948)

by just a column of cruisers, one after the other, on the side of the road. And they all apparently knew what I was doing because when I got to the training, everybody wanted to see the bottle, they wanted to talk to me about watching me go pee-pee on the side of the road, and it was just a whole thing, the rest of the training.

Alex (49:53.77)

Already, I wanna call BS on this.

William (49:53.821)

Were you still on the driver's side with the door open?

Cody (49:58.744)

You didn't like go into a... You didn't like go into a bush?

Alex (50:01.132)

Nah.

Dallas (50:01.303)

I peed in my car in a bottle, but apparently, no.

Alex (50:03.882)

now.

Cody (50:05.945)

Uh, no.

William (50:07.407)

This feels like Jennifer at the parties. I poop at the parties, but I close the door so people don't see and smell things.

Dallas (50:12.352)

Hahaha It was on like a like a parkway like a like a major road It's not like I was on a dirt road And so I couldn't get out because that's illegal So I peed in a bottle

Alex (50:17.567)

Yeah.

William (50:24.005)

Mm-hmm.

Alex (50:24.386)

Sure. What road were you on?

William (50:27.222)

Mm-hmm.

Dallas (50:28.736)

The what's it called? The bluegrass parkway. The bluegrass. Yeah.

Cody (50:28.901)

Didn't know that was illegal.

Alex (50:36.054)

So you mean to tell me that you're sitting in your car and where the door already comes up, the window already meets the door frame at a height that's higher than your waist and fellow cars drive by and they can allegedly see over your window into your car to watch you urinate.

Cody (50:36.304)

Where was this training?

Dallas (50:46.7)

Uh-huh.

Cody (50:49.637)

Ugh.

Dallas (50:57.556)

Have you ever peed into a bottle without trying to get pee on yourself in a car?

Alex (51:02.778)

But then they all remember the car that was driven and the man in the car. Now, I'm going to call BS on this one.

Cody (51:11.396)

I will say, there-

William (51:11.618)

Sorry Dallas, I know your autobiography is on a must buy when you finally write it.

Alex (51:17.268)

Yes, but-

William (51:18.987)

But...

Cody (51:20.649)

I will say there is one piece of... Where was this training, Dallas?

Alex (51:20.658)

If and when this story is in there, I will be shocked.

Dallas (51:27.2)

This training was in Western Kentucky.

Cody (51:31.836)

Oh, just the ambiguous Western Kentucky. Now, I will-

William (51:32.854)

West Western Kentucky. Go west and go a little further.

Dallas (51:34.976)

The Western.

Alex (51:35.466)

Past Owensboro or where in?

Cody (51:37.9)

I will give him this. Yeah, cause that's, and he's clicking now and I think he's looking up city names in Western Kentucky right now.

Dallas (51:38.233)

Elizabeth Town.

Dallas (51:45.177)

Oh no, that's dice.

William (51:47.298)

Heh. Heh heh.

Cody (51:47.612)

Oh. I will say though, I have had...

Dallas (51:50.207)

It's a bunch of skittles in my pocket.

Alex (51:51.67)

Hahaha

William (51:53.063)

I'm rolling for perception here.

Cody (51:53.332)

I- I did once have a devastating, like, moment where I really had to pee on the Bluegrass Parkway, so that is believable. There's very few-

William (52:06.009)

I didn't mean this to be completely about our bowels, but...

Alex (52:09.71)

One time I peed in a urinal, next to Billy Joe Armstrong.

Dallas (52:10.561)

Uh... Listen!

William (52:15.354)

Dallas, I'm sorry. You're a liar.

Cody (52:19.276)

Little too much detail.

Dallas (52:19.383)

You think I'm a liar?

William (52:21.794)

I think you are lying through your teeth there, sir.

Dallas (52:24.436)

All right, so.

Cody (52:25.8)

I think you are lying, but it would not surprise me in the slightest if you were telling the truth.

Alex (52:26.29)

Lying through your zipper is more like it.

William (52:28.489)

Eww.

Dallas (52:28.576)

Going through my zipper. Unfortunately for all three of you, that is 100% true. 100% true, yes. I had already been to it. This was a three day training. This was day two. So like, I was the only non-police officer there. So I was the only non-cruiser in the parking lot on day one. So they knew who I was and why I was in that. Like, it was, I was here.

Alex (52:36.01)

No! How did they, but how did they see?

William (52:36.353)

UNNN

William (52:50.39)

Oh, so the...

Dallas (52:56.336)

The exit was like two miles down and then the The place where we have the training is like half a mile from there. So i'm not that far away So we're like they passed me and are immediately at the training And uh the car I was in was smaller and in order to orient yourself You gotta it looks a very specific way And they slowed down Yeah

Alex (53:05.922)

Ha.

William (53:15.93)

He... Man, that was...

Alex (53:18.11)

And then they called him Chico Pee the whole day.

William (53:22.049)

Chico B.B. Jalis that was

Dallas (53:25.1)

There was two more days of that training, so I got it the whole time.

William (53:28.39)

That was masterful in the omission of details.

Alex (53:32.758)

And you know what? The next thing we know, he's gonna tell us that he met George Clooney's parents and insulted them or something. Yeah, right.

Dallas (53:33.76)

Ha ha ha!

William (53:37.579)

Hahaha

Dallas (53:39.412)

Listen, that was the only story that didn't involve fecal matter in some fashion that I have.

Alex (53:45.905)

Well, I for one found this enthralling. It was beautiful.

William (53:48.898)

This was very fun. I'm... Oh, oh. That was pretty good. Well, we're gonna cut to a break. Potty break if you need it. I don't know if this has triggered any brain stem level function. Aye, aye, aye. Okay, all right. Well, we'll cut to a break. We will cut to a break when we be back.

Dallas (53:52.46)

This is a learning experience. Oh, haha.

Cody (53:52.749)

It was very moving.

Alex (53:56.567)

Eww.

Alex (54:05.835)

Oh.

Alex (54:11.498)

This is getting real Freudian, if you know what I mean.

William (54:17.602)

We'll have a listener table topic. So we'll see you on the other side of the break. Bye.

Cody (54:22.78)

Do do do.

Dallas (54:22.86)

Bye!

William (54:24.394)

Okay, all right, I have the table topic.

Alex (54:26.942)

Is it fans submitted? Or is it, what? Who are these people?

William (54:29.47)

Yes, fans submitted, listeners submitted. I've just been texting people that I know listen. Be like, hey, we're gonna do table topics. Do you wanna have one of your table topics on the show? Okay, so.

Alex (54:34.319)

Oh. Yes!

Cody (54:39.864)

and Zack Hacker brought 75.

William (54:42.454)

He had another really good one, but I need to like cycle through a couple of these before we circle back to Zach.

Dallas (54:43.046)

Hehehe

Alex (54:44.098)

Did he?

Can we give him some like fake names that way we can keep using the good ones? So this one's from Schmack Schmacker.

William (54:51.226)

That's why we keep using them.

Dallas (54:51.369)

Yeah.

Dallas (54:56.68)

Ha ha

Cody (54:57.561)

Uh, pause for a second, I'm gonna go fill up my water. I'm behind on my water today, William.

Alex (54:57.955)

weird.

William (55:00.626)

Okay.

Alex (55:02.163)

The inverse of Dallas.

Dallas (55:02.437)

with urine. I got a water bottle you can.

Dallas (55:12.94)

I also peed on myself a little bit so it was obvious that I had peed.

Alex (55:16.062)

No, Dallas. This is still recording, Dallas. Careful. Don't incriminate yourself. I do have a similar story where, I mean, it did not end like that, but I was driving from Lynchburg to Raleigh and I had just gotten off work. I mean, it's the middle of the night. Like, I worked from like four till close, right, at a restaurant, and I was coming to see Ali for the weekend.

William (55:17.23)

Dallas.

Dallas (55:18.764)

It's just a little. Oh my god. Hahaha. I mean. Dang it.

William (55:21.37)

Hahaha!

Alex (55:44.574)

And I get halfway from Virginia to North Carolina. There is a stretch of road that is just 20 miles. No exits, no gas stations, nada. And I'm dying. And I finally find this driveway to pull off in. It's the, it's like three in the morning, two in the morning.

I get out of the car. I'm looking over each shoulder hunched down And I just had to I peed in the grass next to this poor person's mailbox in the middle of nowhere I felt or I felt horrible But not so horrible that I didn't do it

Dallas (56:27.048)

One time I had to take a rehab client to Evansville, Indiana for a medical thing and we went to a Mexican restaurant and I had to go poop and I went to poop and my belt broke. And so I was like, I can't just walk out with a belt, broken belt, because then it looks like I just destroyed the bathroom. So I just threw it away. I was like, this lives here now. And then I came back out and they're like, where's your belt? I was like, stop asking questions, we're leaving.

Alex (56:33.897)

Yeah.

Alex (56:42.65)

out

William (56:50.977)

Hehehehe

hahahahahahah

Alex (56:54.698)

You know how you're not allowed to have shoelaces? Well, I'm not allowed to have a belt. Dick.

William (56:57.798)

Hahaha!

Cody (57:00.068)

This was my second week of college and I was driving home and because of

William (57:05.41)

Let's not pop out all the stories. We might play this game again. That was really fun. But you can go ahead if you want.

Alex (57:07.839)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cody (57:12.388)

Well, I was thinking, yeah, for telling all of our like unfortunate bowel movement stories.

William (57:15.534)

Is this more bowel jokes?

Alex (57:18.294)

We were just waiting on you to get back. We got our table topic. You took your story talent. Yeah.

Cody (57:23.3)

Well...

William (57:23.486)

Are you ready? But let's do the table topic, go to the outro so that we at least have that done and I'll stop the recording. Okay, we're back. We're gonna round out tonight with another listener submitted table topic. This one comes from, I know, this one. So this one comes from one Mr. Adam Jones. I think three of the people on here. So this one, this one's actually, this one's a little.

Alex (57:37.014)

We have this many, we have three listeners? I'm just kidding.

Cody (57:46.2)

Oooo

William (57:51.994)

deep and kind of dark and given that there's a criminology professor on this actual podcast, I had to do it. So he asks if you could get rid of one crime forever, but to do so you have to commit that crime.

Cody (58:13.884)

get rid of one.

William (58:14.206)

What would you choose?

Dallas (58:16.168)

Murder. I'm just kidding.

Alex (58:16.938)

I kill baby Hitler and then prevent all murder forever.

William (58:22.37)

So you go in, you steal a piece of gum, all shoplifting's gone. But.

Alex (58:28.563)

Shoplifting?

Dallas (58:28.796)

All shoplifting, not just all shoplifting of gum.

Cody (58:29.268)

Interesting... interesting...

Alex (58:32.726)

How else am I supposed to afford my trips to Target? Come on. I do not.

William (58:32.856)

I-I-

Hahaha

Cody (58:37.488)

I feel like- I feel like murder is the obvious one. I'm- Can I put a pin in- Yeah.

Dallas (58:37.775)

hahahaha

William (58:41.946)

Is it? Who are you going to murder?

Alex (58:43.154)

Absolutely it is. Someone who deserves it.

Cody (58:47.445)

I mean, I think v-

William (58:47.609)

But.

Dallas (58:47.84)

So the person that I have, I mean, I would murder, let's.

William (58:51.875)

Ah, woo, ah!

Alex (58:54.07)

The FBI? Oh no.

Cody (58:54.072)

I mean, I think there's a case to be made about Vladimir Putin for sure.

Dallas (58:56.192)

Hahaha

Cody (59:06.532)

I feel like murder is the obvious one and it's the murder is like the

Alex (59:09.607)

Do we have to pick who we commit the crime against?

William (59:13.354)

No, you just have to live with yourself for the rest of your life. So that's... Ha ha ha.

Alex (59:16.09)

Oh yeah, murder. Yeah, done. Done deal.

Dallas (59:18.684)

Jeez, you bunch of sociopaths!

Cody (59:20.584)

Ha ha!

Alex (59:20.69)

No, not a sociopath, that's psychopath, thank you very much. No, what, excuse me, time out. Murder is one of the worst things that anyone, it is a pure violation of humanity against another human, right? Yes, it's like, absolutely. Yes, it is the infinite trolley problem. He already offered.

Dallas (59:25.036)

That's the same thing.

Dallas (59:36.356)

Is this the like, is this trolley problem? Like are you going to shove somebody in front of this to?

Cody (59:44.608)

Yeah, I'm going to shove Bruno Mars in front of a train. And then...

William (59:48.68)

Easy.

Dallas (59:48.997)

Well...

Alex (59:50.334)

He already offered to jump.

Cody (59:52.36)

He already offered!

Dallas (59:52.544)

Ha ha ha.

Alex (59:54.942)

I'm sorry, I mean, at the end of the day, like our favorite anti-heroes, our troops go and murder people every day. We drop bot, yeah, please.

Cody (01:00:06.504)

Well then you have to decide whether or not killing in combat is classified as murder. Because we could parse this out to the various degrees of murder. To the-

Dallas (01:00:16.236)

Right, you have to kill an innocent person because you're trying to prevent the murder of innocent. Well, murder is you're killing an innocent person.

Alex (01:00:21.524)

It didn't say innocent. No, murder is just killing someone outside of the law's jurisdiction. Thank you very much, because we have capital punishment.

Cody (01:00:24.544)

You're saying that killing... Ooh.

Dallas (01:00:29.568)

Now that's how.

Cody (01:00:29.668)

You're saying... Yeah, you're saying that killing in general would be the problem, but if it's killing in self-defense, that wouldn't do that.

Alex (01:00:35.542)

So, hold on, here's where we're gonna... Right, so, what if there's just a really, really terrible human? You know, they're a... they did the thing to another person... Uh, they killed somebody, or they violated another human's bodily autonomy. I don't wanna trigger. Yeah! If I found... What?

Cody (01:00:52.536)

I mean, we were all pretty happy when Osama bin Laden died. Like...

Dallas (01:00:57.92)

He... He was a war criminal though. Like he was... You know, we were at-

William (01:00:58.058)

I... I still...

Alex (01:01:01.646)

And if I killed him, if I killed him, that's not the law doing it, that makes me a vigilante. That's still murder in the law's eyes.

William (01:01:08.094)

It's di- was- was I... The celebration in the street... Still gave me pause.

Alex (01:01:16.689)

Oh, for sure.

Cody (01:01:17.468)

To a degree, yeah. Like.

William (01:01:19.722)

It's just like I.

Alex (01:01:22.474)

Let's not bring real world historical characters into it for the time being. We're starting from here on out. No, not innocent. Not innocent. You're adding a new stipulation.

Dallas (01:01:26.484)

You have to kill a real innocent... You just have to kill an innocent person. Yes, in order for it to be legal murder.

Cody (01:01:27.216)

Eh.

Cody (01:01:33.884)

Hmm. Yeah, if we're gonna go full legal murder in all the various degrees and definition, it needs to be an innocent person. I agree with Dallas.

William (01:01:42.058)

And this cannot be, this cannot be like Snape and Dumbledore. Like your soul remains intact because I asked you to kill me. We planned this. I don't think this can be like a somebody in hospice. You go and talk to him. Like, listen, you got one toe in the grave anyway. If you let me do this, if you, if you let me do this, then all murder goes away. They're like, yeah, sure. Okay. That I don't, I don't think that counts. So

Dallas (01:01:42.197)

You have to kill it.

Cody (01:01:43.908)

So I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it.

Alex (01:01:46.77)

is killing someone bad still murder.

Cody (01:01:58.632)

It's assisted suicide. It's legal in many jurisdictions.

Dallas (01:02:11.444)

You just kill a innocent person.

William (01:02:11.78)

I-I-

Cody (01:02:15.076)

I'm going to say... I'm going to say fraud.

William (01:02:15.183)

Hmm.

William (01:02:20.598)

Ooh, okay.

Cody (01:02:22.364)

I'm going to say fraud to raise the level of truthfulness in our society.

William (01:02:28.001)

I like that.

Cody (01:02:29.88)

I'm gonna say I will commit fraud in order to li- in order to raise the level of truthfulness in our society which is gonna bring a lot of people in power in jail or at least prevent them from- prevent them from lying or committing fraud

William (01:02:46.979)

Hmm.

Cody (01:02:50.488)

I couldn't do the murder. Now Vladimir Putin would have been one thing, but if it's an innocent person, I couldn't do it.

Alex (01:02:56.718)

We're talking about fraud? I mean, come on. That's just lying with another level. Like, we could stop people from killing each other. We could stop bad people from, I mean, that's the worst thing that you could do to someone outside of other stuff that's not good podcasting topics.

Cody (01:03:17.744)

But at the same time, like, at the same time we go into criminal trials, it wouldn't be able to perjure. Ooh, I'd commit perjury. And that would solve a lot of our criminal justice issues, because they would be required to tell the truth.

Alex (01:03:32.11)

I think that's just the plot of Liar with Jim Carrey. Hey, what if we never had to have another law, like what if we never ever had to have another, like, law, legal proceeding because no one killed anyone ever again?

William (01:03:34.542)

Hahaha, yeah!

Cody (01:03:36.67)

I- it's- perjury.

Cody (01:03:47.546)

If you want to do the most good... If you want to do the most good perjury. Because then they would confess their crimes on the stand.

Alex (01:03:53.472)

No!

Yeah, but they still committed the crime. You could stop the crime at the source. In what world is that better than stopping the crime before it ever happens?

Cody (01:03:59.196)

but they would con-

Cody (01:04:07.216)

Still justice is done without an innocent person having to die Without me having to commit an innocent problem

Alex (01:04:12.09)

Yeah, I'm gonna take the trolley problem. You... So, just so you know, that just means that you've got blood of millions, infinite people on your hands. Just so you're aware. I'll take the blood of one person on my hands for the sake of saving billions of people.

Cody (01:04:21.916)

But at the s- But at the same time.

Cody (01:04:31.36)

at the same but at the same time it's at what level are we I think it's almost a level of playing God it's a level it's yeah that's true that's true that's true that's true I'm going to say

Alex (01:04:40.606)

Well, yeah, that's the point of the question. OK, so hold on. The global rate of homicide, there were almost 500,000 homicides last year and every year before. And so,

William (01:04:43.636)

It's kind of the point of the question.

Dallas (01:04:43.897)

Good!

Dallas (01:04:59.164)

in the whole wide world, right?

Alex (01:05:00.586)

worldwide. So if I killed one singular person and I'm picking a bad person because that's still murder by legal definition, sorry to tell you that, you you've added a different stipulation. I'm killing one bad person and then I'm saving 500,000 people every year in perpetuity? Nah, get out of here with perjury. You can keep the liars. I'm never gonna have anyone kill anybody else ever again.

Cody (01:05:10.609)

Mmm. Yeah, that's true.

I'm going to go ahead and turn it off.

Alex (01:05:29.354)

This is a great table topic, Adam. You're the best!

William (01:05:30.814)

Well, Adam, I don't know what you expected from that table topic, but I hope it ex-

Cody (01:05:31.556)

Really is.

Dallas (01:05:34.177)

Hmmm

Alex (01:05:34.878)

William hasn't even said, what crime are you stopping by committing?

William (01:05:39.406)

Well, it's not murdered.

Alex (01:05:41.058)

Oh, I took the Hippocratic oath. Do no harm.

William (01:05:47.077)

I also, we don't have to go into it, I also don't think the death penalty should be a thing.

Alex (01:05:51.646)

I didn't say that I agreed with the death penalty either.

William (01:05:54.69)

Well, I mean, you're murdering a bad person.

Alex (01:05:57.106)

Yeah, I didn't say that I would love doing that action, but the end result, forever? Forever? Dude, if you could save 500,000 lives in one year, for one murder, if it was just for the next year I stopped 500,000 murders, heck yeah!

William (01:06:03.724)

Mmm.

Cody (01:06:07.929)

Mmm.

William (01:06:19.866)

Hmm. I don't know. Tony!

Dallas (01:06:21.196)

That's five, that's 500,000 daughters, sons, dads, mothers that are still.

Alex (01:06:28.118)

I mean, it's not like you can say, I want to get a disease to prevent disease. We're talking about crimes to prevent crimes. Like.

Cody (01:06:36.904)

stealing a canoe, which is what we've done before.

Alex (01:06:38.915)

Ugh, that affects... that affects...

William (01:06:39.785)

Well, I've already done that. Nobody's ever stolen a canoe ever again.

Cody (01:06:43.152)

Hahaha!

Dallas (01:06:43.564)

Ha ha ha.

Alex (01:06:44.674)

That affects dozens of people. Decadely. It's just...

Dallas (01:06:47.296)

Heh.

Cody (01:06:47.436)

every year.

William (01:06:51.786)

Hehe

Alex (01:06:55.125)

Ugh. You know what? The good outweighs the bad in that one. By the way, I've got a canoe if anybody needs one.

Dallas (01:07:01.992)

Bwah

Cody (01:07:03.601)

I'm not gonna relive my eight-year-old crime days.

William (01:07:09.16)

I will do... fraud.

Alex (01:07:13.102)

What? Don't be afraid to dream a little bigger darling!

William (01:07:15.246)

Cody, you do perjury, I'll take fraud.

Cody (01:07:19.4)

Okay.

William (01:07:20.098)

Dallas, what about you?

Cody (01:07:22.164)

make my job so much easier.

Alex (01:07:23.572)

Say it. Say it.

Dallas (01:07:25.797)

The murder one is tempting, but for the sake of podcasting, I would either do or sell drugs. So that way, that's not a thing anymore.

Cody (01:07:32.356)

But for the sake of literature...

Alex (01:07:32.674)

Ha ha ha!

William (01:07:33.863)

Yes!

Cody (01:07:39.707)

Oooo

Alex (01:07:41.162)

You know what? That's... Do drugs.

Cody (01:07:42.876)

That's...

William (01:07:44.334)

That saves lives too.

Cody (01:07:46.14)

That does too.

Dallas (01:07:48.096)

Yeah, because if I did drugs, then you wouldn't need drug dealers in the first place.

Cody (01:07:50.5)

I didn't even think of that. I only initially thought of murder because my wife is obsessed with Agatha Christie right now.

Alex (01:07:53.646)

Let's see here.

Dallas (01:07:58.496)

Ha ha

William (01:07:58.959)

I think Kristen is in there playing a Air-Q Pro-O Nintendo Switch game as we speak.

Alex (01:08:04.97)

Yeah, that was beautiful.

Cody (01:08:07.52)

I think, honestly, society would be a lot better if like, all four of us, it all clicked at the same time.

Alex (01:08:13.334)

You know what? Dallas? Yeah, let's do it all at once. No, you saved the second most. It's 106,000 drug overdose deaths in 2021.

Dallas (01:08:16.748)

Did I save the most people?

William (01:08:18.21)

We're the Criminal Avengers!

Dallas (01:08:28.841)

every year, worldwide.

Alex (01:08:31.986)

Uh, that may just be the United States. This is from the NIH.

Cody (01:08:38.284)

Look, I mean, we basically just wiped out 85% of the docket on the court system.

Dallas (01:08:43.648)

Let's see. World Health Organization says worldwide about 600,000 deaths were attributed to drug use in 2019. Boom!

Alex (01:08:44.779)

That's the US. I can't find worldwide.

Alex (01:08:51.27)

Ho-ho! So, you know what? You take the drugs. I'll kill one random person. Dang it, Dallas had a great time! Dallas gets a twofer. He solves, saves 600,000 lives. And gets to do drugs? This isn't fair. I want to do drugs! Why do I have to kill somebody?

Dallas (01:08:57.588)

Listen bro, I've already had fentanyl once.

William (01:08:59.49)

Hahaha

William (01:09:08.406)

Oh, jeez. Well, Adam, you just assembled a dystopian, darkest timeline Avengers, so I don't know if that. Exactly. So I don't.

Alex (01:09:18.413)

To create the brightest timeline, mind you.

Cody (01:09:21.544)

That- we just eliminated 85% of the criminal docket. Hehehehe

Alex (01:09:23.638)

Dallas, no, it was a-

Dallas (01:09:24.075)

Ugh.

William (01:09:25.834)

Yes, everyone pat yourself on the back. That was good work. Ha! Whoops! Ooh!

Alex (01:09:27.926)

Dallas, it was a hypothetical! Stop! Don't do it!

Dallas (01:09:30.824)

Oh, we were supposed to... Uh...

Cody (01:09:33.704)

Our court, our courts are just going to be... Our courts are just gonna be filled with thieves. Just lots and lots of thievery. ..

Alex (01:09:34.698)

What do I do with this canoe now?

William (01:09:41.847)

It's a sea of thieves. Just there, there you go, well Adam.

Alex (01:09:43.338)

Well hey, you know what? Dallas may have saved that too because a lot of theft is linked to drug use.

Dallas (01:09:44.628)

Oh

William (01:09:51.85)

Well, Adam, I don't know what you expected from that table topic, but I hope that it exceeded your expectations. And on that note, guys, this has been incredibly fun. A little...

Alex (01:09:55.882)

I hope we exceeded.

Alex (01:10:03.934)

Listen, I can hear the people now calling me a Chico Caca right now because I was willing to do the dirty work. I know it.

Dallas (01:10:09.497)

haha

William (01:10:11.566)

Well, if you want to connect with us, submit table topics, see how you can support the show. All of our links will be down in the episode description. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts.

Alex (01:10:26.39)

The Grapefruit Network dot com. Just go.

William (01:10:29.01)

Yes, so you can find us wherever you listen to your podcast. And we are now under the umbrella. This is the flagship podcast of the grapefruit network.com. Uh, we've got a lot of really exciting things planned already in the works, partially recorded, um, to give you guys this year. So with that guys, I will settle up the tab and I'm going to head out of here. I'm William.

Cody (01:10:39.868)

Pew pew, pew pew.

Dallas (01:10:55.504)

I'm Dallas.

Cody (01:10:56.748)

I stole this joke from Alex.

Alex (01:10:56.87)

I'm the savior of 500,000 lives. Nope, nope, I said it first.

William (01:10:59.61)

Okay.

Dallas (01:11:01.516)

Oh

William (01:11:02.926)

Oh, and we'll see you guys next time. Bye.

Dallas (01:11:06.004)

Bye!